Wrong Number
by SuperLeaf
Summary: When Mathias texts the wrong person and all the right things happen.
1. Chapter I

**Don't worry y'all, this one is already finished so there won't be any abandonment XD (basically why none of my stories have been updated)**

 **Update: I'm fucking trash and decided to continue it... AKA unfinished sorrynotsorry (still updating tho not abandoned)**

 **Denmano! Rated M for language, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Saturday (PM)

 **[4:35] Omg dude you will not believe what just happened**

[4:36] uhh don't care

 **[4:36] ? gil ?**

[4:37] you've got the wrong number

 **[4:38] oh**

 **[4:39] you wanna know anyway**

[4:40] no

 **[4:41] ok bye**

/

 **[5:10] i'm bored**

[5:12] da fuck

 **[5:13] i told you i'm bored**

[5:13] I don't care

 **[5:14] come onnnn**

[5:16] fine what do you want

 **[5:17] so guess what happened**

[5:18] are we really playing this game

 **[5:19] sorry sorry**

 **[5:20] my friend got himself stuck in a kids swing**

 **[5:21] he's so whipped his boyfriend convinced him to get in it**

[5:23] his boyfriend?

 **[5:24] ah… you a homophobe?**

[5:27] pretty hard to be a homophobe when you're gay

 **[5:27] oh**

 **[5:28] twinning :D**

[5:30] great, now we have something in common.

[5:31] Wait, you are a guy, right?

 **[5:32] well I'm not a lesbian**

[5:33] -_-

 **[5:34] WHALE then ;D**

[5:35] bye

 **[5:35] no don't go D:**

[5:36] my brother's whining about making pasta i gotta go

 **[5:37] oh. Byee~**

[5:38] Bye.

/

Sunday (AM)

 **[10:01] hello my name is dipshit and my life sucks**

[10:03] um…?

 **[10:04] I like to wear aprons and cook cupcakes for my boyfriend because i'm domestic**

[10:05] how tf do you have a boyfriend

 **[10:07] I bribed him with my cjofijof**

[10:08] wtf?

[10:14] Hello?

 **[10:32] omg sorry my friend stole my phone and wouldn't give it back**

 **[10:33] it's always the quiet ones**

[10:40] You have weird friends.

 **[10:41] yea, that was the same one who got stuck in a swing**

 **[10:42] fuckin prick with his stupid hairpin**

/

Sunday (PM)

[7:55] What's your favorite kind of cupcake

 **[8:00] uh**

 **[8:00] why**

[8:01] because

 **[8:02] because why?**

[8:03] gdi does it matter

 **[8:04] XD sorry**

[8:07] you can tell a lot about a person from their cupcake preference. there.

[8:13] Was the cupcake question really that scary.

 **[8:16] ahah sorry i'm back**

 **[8:17] my favorite cupcake is confetti :D**

 **[8:17] or carrot**

[8:19] knew it

 **[8:20] ?**

[8:21] you're a fuckin pansy

 **[8:22] oh and you're soo much better**

[8:23] You have nothing on me!

 **[8:23] Sure I do! :(**

[8:25] so…?

 **[8:29] shit**

 **[8:31] shut up**

[8:32] I didn't say anything.

[8:33] Or text anything, I guess

 **[8:34] I could feel your smug look from here**

[8:36] from where?

 **[8:37] fuckin stalker**

[8:37] Oh yeah because I'll be able to pinpoint you in the middle of any fucking country

 **[8:39] well we have the same time zones right**

[8:40] It's 8:40 where I live

 **[8:40] so yeah, Europe**

[8:41] Country, dumbass

 **[8:42] Dennnnnmark!**

 **[8:42] but i'm so close to the border that it's basically Germany**

[8:43] damn we're far apart

 **[8:43] oh, yes, worlds apart, because i know exactly where you live**

[8:44] stfu I can feel your salt from here

 **[8:44] :P**

[8:45] Italy

 **[8:46] fuckin rad, brah**

 **[8:46] Mona Lisa and shit**

[8:48] the Mona Lisa is in france dumbass

 **[8:49] but italian painter, rt? rightfully Italians**

[8:54] Hi! I'm his brother and right now he's swooning because he's really Italian and I can see why because you said such a nice thing about Italians! :DDDDD

 **[8:55] XD XD XD**

[8:57] gdi that was my stupid pasta-sucking brother

 **[8:59] Swooning, huh?**

[9:00] stfu I wasn't swooning

 **[9:00] Mmhmm ;)**

[9:02] okay first off don't ever text me a winky face again

[9:02] second you weren't even there i wasn't fucking swooning

 **[9:03] whatever you say, sunshine**

[9:04] Sunshine?

 **[9:05] Just kinda happened. I'm gonna roll with it.**

[9:05] okay…?

 **[9:06] aw shit i gotta go**

[9:06] Oh, okay.

[9:07] Bye.

 **[9:08] Bye sunshine ;)**

/

Monday (AM)

 **[9:40] yo**

[9:42] Hello stranger

[9:42] How are you on this fine day?

 **[9:43] Did you take drugs or something**

[9:44] No, I'm barely containing my rage

 **[9:44] ?**

[9:45] because it's the MIDDLE OF FUCKING CLASS AND YOU GODDAMN TEXTED ME EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE DINGED

[9:46] FUCK YOU

 **[9:46] oh oops :P**

/

Monday (PM)

 **[12:07] hey do you have lunch rn**

[12:08] be fuckin grateful i do otherwise i'd be on your ass again

 **[12:09] I would say just turn your phone off but then you wouldn't text me ;D**

[12:09] .-.

[12:10] *turns off phone*

 **[12:10] NOOO D:**

 **[12:11] Don't do that! Then I won't have anyone to talk tooo D:**

[12:11] just talk to your weirdass friends

[12:12] like the one who got stuck in a swing

 **[12:13] Hey I don't know if you got this: he's whipped. He has a boyfriend. They are in the same lunch.**

[12:14] I don't know how you can be condescending in a text but you managed it somehow.

 **[12:15] dumbass XD**

[12:16] hey don't steal my insults :(

 **[12:17] lmao that's a pretty generic insult sunshine**

[12:17] ohhh my god

 **[12:17] what?**

[12:18] don't call me sunshine

 **[12:18] Why not?**

[12:19] It's a girly name! And I'm a guy!

 **[12:20] but you're a girly guy ;)**

[12:20] Fuck you and all that you stand for.

 **[12:21] :o**

[12:22] like you haven't seen me swear before

 **[12:24] ¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯**

[12:24] it took you 2 minutes to search up the shrug emoji didn't it

 **[12:25] OwO**

[12:25] I always said you were a pansy

 **[12:26] :'(**

[12:27] wtf are you even doing there are letters for a reason

 **[12:27] ¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯**

[12:28] Great. I'm having a conversation with emojis.

 **[12:28] :D**

[12:29] Prick.

 **[12:29] D:**

/

Tuesday (AM)

 **[5:29] :(**

 **[5:32] :( :(**

[6:12] wtf it's too early for this shit

 **[6:13] sorry :(**

[6:14] uh… what's with all the sad faces?

 **[6:15] so you do care :D**

[6:16] stfu it's just a question

[6:18] so…?

 **[6:19] i'm in the hospital adn i'm bored**

[6:20] why tf are you in a hospital?

 **[6:21] broke my leg**

 **[6:21] jumped off a cliff**

[6:22] Dare I even ask?

 **[6:23] Dared by a friend.**

[6:24] Same friend?

 **[6:25] Nah man, dif one. He's all stoic and shit but suuuper sadistic he likes seeing me get hurt**

[6:26] I see we have something in common.

 **[6:26] you wound me :(**

[6:27] suck it up

 **[6:28] nah**

 **[6:32] how old are you?**

[6:33] fuckin' stalker

 **[6:35] because I'll be able to pinpoint you in a sea of 15 year-olds**

[6:36] I feel insulted.

 **[6:37] so I take it you're not 15?**

[6:37] No dumbass I'm 17

 **[6:38] haha youngun**

[6:39] If you're older than 20 i'm blocking you forever

 **[6:40] Good thing I'm 19**

[6:41] Damn. Oldie.

 **[6:42] Thnx.**

[6:44] damn i gotta get ready for school. Stupid ass brother is calling me.

 **[6:45] I'll still be here :T**

[6:46] Great. I have an idiot at my beckon call.

 **[6:46] Im hurt.**

[6:47] that was the intention

 **[6:48] awww sunshineeee**

[6:48] stfu

[6:49] I actually have to get ready for school tho

 **[6:50] byeeeee**

 **[6:51] Talk to you laterrrrr**

[6:51] bye

/

Tuesday (PM)

[12:05] are you alive

 **[12:06] Barely. My phone died for two hours and I almost unplugged the heart monitor to charge it**

[12:06] Why am I not surprised

 **[12:07] I dont think the nurse likes me**

[12:07] that doesn't surprise me either

 **[12:08] yeah specially since i tore out my iv first day**

[12:08] o-o

[12:09] why?

 **[12:09] it was uncomfortable!**

 **[12:11] shut up**

[12:12] ;)

[12:12] wait shit

 **[12:12] YOU SENT THE WINKY FACE :D**

[12:12] NO I DIDNT

 **[12:13] PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE**

 **[12:13]**

[12:14] you didn't need to send a fucking picture jesus

 **[12:14] ;)**

[12:15] I will smite you :(

 **[12:16] fight me bitch**

[12:16] i'll win :)

 **[12:17] nah man**

 **[12:17] 195.5 cm boi**

 **[12:17] I'll take you down**

[12:18] …

[12:19] damn

 **[12:20] just silently take in my sexyness**

[12:21] stfu

[12:22] Im 172 cm

 **[12:22] haha shorty**

 **[12:24] Thats rlly cute actually**

 **[12:26] yo i didn't kill you did i?**

 **[12:28] I'm too suave for my own good**

 **[12:30] seriously where tf did you go**

[12:31] class bye

/

 **[9:42] my family fucking sucks**

[9:45] look another thing we have in common

 **[9:46] stfu your brother is gr8**

[9:47] okayyyyy you obviously have no fucking clue who he is

[9:47] but why does *your* family suck?

 **[9:48] visiting hours happened and legit almost nobody came**

 **[9:49] I brought together the fucking family and only icy visited adn that was because his bro made him**

 **[9:49] his bro is the whipped one**

[9:50] icy?

 **[9:50] dude's from iceland. Fuckin lit dude tho so its all good**

[9:51] ugh i fucking hate being sentimental and shit but damn, just one guy?

 **[9:52] awwe you would have visited me if you lived here right? :D?**

[9:53] hell no

 **[9:53] :D?**

[9:54] I said no

 **[9:54] :D?**

[9:54] bitch

 **[9:55] :'(**

[9:57] ugh fine i would visit your stupid ass

[9:57] happy?

 **[9:58] very, sunshine :D**

[9:59] bastard

/

Wednesday (PM)

[3:03] why are you making me text you first thats bad etiquette

[3:54] uh hello? Stranger?

[3:54] huh i dont even know your name

[4:28] Yo, person who calls me sunshine

[5:14] fuckwad

[7:33] asshat

[9:01] where the fuck are you?

/

Thursday (AM)

[7:39] still dead as a doornail I see

/

Thursday (PM)

[12:00] what the hell? Did you block me?

[12:11] if you don't respond I'm assuming you blocked me

/

Friday (AM)

[7:27] damn

/

Friday (PM)

 **[6:29] I LIIIIVE!**

[6:29] what the hell bastard

 **[6:30] wow that was fast**

[6:30] i was already on my phone dont assume things

 **[6:31] I wasn't assuming anything**

 **[6:32] other than the fact that you were totally worried about me ;)**

[6:33] fuck off, you can't just disappear. Prick.

 **[6:34] awe, I'm sorry boo :'(**

[6:35] i swear to god i will strangle you through this phone

 **[6:35] XD**

 **[6:36] but rlly bro sorry I was either sleeping/visiting hours/they didn't give me my fucking phone back saying it was "too distracting"**

 **[6:36] too distracting my ass**

[6:37] I'm assuming you're out of the hospital now

 **[6:38] yeah. I got these sick crutches tho**

[6:39] great. :l

 **[6:40] thnx. I know you always got my back.**

[6:41] yeah yeah whatever makes your pasta tasty

 **[6:42] wtf XD**

[6:43] what, you don't eat pasta? What barbarian doesn't eat pasta?

 **[6:44] well i've had it before just not a lot. I dont live in italy after all :P**

[6:45] blocked

 **[6:45] nuuuu ;-;**

[6:47] bitch you better have pasta or I'll legit block you

 **[6:48] but the pasta here is baaaad :(**

[6:49] oh boo hoo suck it up cupcake the world doesn't revolve around you

 **[6:50] well it doesn't revolve around pasta either :P**

[6:51] bye

 **[6:51] aww sunshinnnee**

 **[6:53] wait did you actually leave**

 **[7:01] son of a bitch**

/

Saturday (AM)

 _[8:47] Fratello~_

[8:50] ugh what

 _[8:51] wanna go out today :D :3_

[8:52] no

 _[8:53] :'(((((_

 _[8:53] :C_

 _[8:53] D':_

 _[8:54] :[_

[8:54] jesus stop

[8:55] yes we can go do something just stop fucking spamming me

 _[8:56] Yayyy thanks lovino~~~ :DDDDD_

[8:56] yeah yeah whatever. Asshole.

/

[9:22] eyy crazy dane whattup

 **[9:25] do you think i could make snowshoes for my crutches**

[9:25] hmmm idk

 **[9:26] ima ask sunshine**

[9:27] bro that nickname is hella gay XD

[9:27] its so obvious you have the hots for this guy

 **[9:28] Nah he's just fun to mess with**

 **[9:29] plus i dont know his real name**

[9:30] dude

[9:30] just ask him

 **[9:31] Oh i should thnx**

[9:32] and you say im the idiot

/

 **[9:35] Hey sunshine :D**

[9:36] be glad i dont live near you

 **[9:37] y?**

[9:37] because youd be dead from my pencil-stabbing skills

[9:38] id stab you with a fucking pencil idiot

 **[9:39] ohh**

 **[9:40] well i kinda wanna meet you tho**

[9:41] we've known each other for like a week

 **[9:42] i get attached quickly**

[9:43] damn. And I thought toni was the only fucking puppy in the world

 **[9:44] toni?**

[9:45] Friend.

 **[9:45] you have friends?**

[9:46] stfu asshole at least mine doesnt shove me off a cliff

 **[9:46] *dared off a cliff**

[9:47] yeah well you're a fucking idiot so its pretty much the same thing

 **[9:48] :P**

 **[9:50] so what're you doing**

[9:51] my stupid brother is dragging me all over town

[9:51] i mean jesus its almost spring can't he wait

 **[9:52] hey that reminds me**

 **[9:53] do you think I could put snowshoes on my crutches ?**

[9:54] uh, no. that would be really fucking stupid.

 **[9:55] I think it sounds fun :D**

[9:56] You'd kill your dumb ass. It's like putting ice skates on them or some shit

 **[9:57] that's a good idea**

[9:58] gdi stranger wtf

[9:59] wait what's your name

 **[10:00] supreme overlord**

[10:01] yeah and mine's pasta bitch

[10:02] seriously what is it

 **[10:03] Mathias :D**

 **[10:03] U?**

[10:04] Lovino

 **[10:05] aww Vino XP**

[10:05] wtf no it's *Lo*vino

 **[10:06] Vinoooo~**

[10:07] gdi what should I call you? asshole?

 **[10:08] noooo it has to be a play on my name :0 it's like you've never made a nickname b4**

[10:08] I don't give people nicknames. They have names for a reason.

 **[10:09] But you want to give me a nickname~**

 **[10:13] aw Vino don't be embarrassed**

 **[10:14] come baaaack**

[10:15] I wasn't fucking embarrassed I just had to talk to my brother

 **[10:16] okay Vino**

[10:20] I still want to give you a nickname though.

 **[10:21] Ok we can think of one together :D**

 **[10:22] just dont call me Mattie pls**

[10:23] why?

 **[10:24] it gives me pain when I hear that name**

 **[10:25] also it's the nickname for Matthew and my name is *Mathias***

[10:26] okay mattie

 **[10:27] shit**

 **[10:27] call me like thias or something just not mattie DX**

[10:28] wtf kind of name is thias? it sounds like thigh-ass

 **[10:28] okay then maybe not thias**

 **[10:30] idk i've never had to think of a name for me**

[10:31] well aren't we a good team

[10:32] giving up in two minutes

 **[10:33] :L**

[10:33] fuckin legendary

 **[10:34] legendary as a pokemon :P**

[10:35] NO

[10:35] NO NO AND NO

 **[10:36] ?**

[10:37] That game ruined my family

 **[10:38] thats dramatic**

[10:39] fuckin tru tho

[10:40] stupid ass brother talked about it all the damn time

[10:41] something about having an internet friend from japan

 **[10:42] damn**

[10:43] He was like a fucking fangirl

[10:44] it was disgusting

 **[10:45] he sounds cute :3**

[10:46] yeah well he is cute

[10:47] cuter than me anyway

 **[10:47] aww Vino don't say that x.x**

[10:48] why? It's true

 **[10:49] but your cute toooo**

[10:50] *you're

[10:51] bastard

 **[10:53] :D**

[10:56] I have a question

 **[10:56] Shoot.**

[10:57] Well a lot of questions.

 **[10:58] !**

[10:59] Great now what

 **[11:00] We can play twenty questions :D**

[11:00] isn't that just asking questions back and forth

 **[11:01] Yeah :D**

[11:02] yeah okay whatever

[11:02] but i'm going first

 **[11:03] whatever makes your pasta tasty Vino :D**

[11:04] My pasta is always tasty stfu

 **[11:05] Just ask the question Vino XD**

[11:07] What do you look like?

 **[11:08] oooh getting right into it**

[11:08] just answer the damn question bastardo

 **[11:10] Well I'm 195.5 cm and I have blue eyes and blond hair that defies gravity**

 **[11:11] sexy af**

[11:11] Whatever you say *Mattie*

 **[11:12] damn you're cold**

[11:13] it's your turn

 **[11:13] Oh :D what do you look like?**

[11:14] fuckin copycat

 **[11:15] :3**

[11:16] Fine. I'm 172 cm and I have hazel eyes and dark brown hair and a curl that won't stay flat.

[11:18] hello?

 **[11:19] Hi sorry just dying from your cuteness**

[11:20] and they say i'm the gay one

 **[11:21] Who?**

[11:22] no one. Mind your own fucking business.

 **[11:22] Okay Vino :D**

/

 **[11:23] I may be gayer than originally planned.**

[11:24] Told you, bitch.

/

[11:23] okay my turn. What's your favorite color?

 **[11:24] Probably red. Like brown-red, or sometimes fire-red-orange. I also like really pale green/blue like ice :D**

[11:25] that was more elaborate than i was expecting

 **[11:25] What can I say, I'm full of surprises :D**

[11:26] Fucking fantastic.

 **[11:27] hey, it's my turn! If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?**

[11:28] … honestly?

 **[11:28] Honestly.**

[11:29] Someone to depend on. My life is really flaky and people come in and out of it like water under a bridge.

 **[11:30] But I thought you had a brother?**

[11:33] Yeah, but everyone likes him more than me so they always push me out of their groups. Plus he forgets I exist sometimes. Like right now, i'm sitting in a cafe/bakery because he forgot to drag me with him after he got an unhealthy amount of chocolate.

 **[11:34] Damn, and I thought my family was cold.**

[11:34] sorry it got really serious there. It's my turn, right?

 **[11:35] Wait, Vino.**

[11:36] What?

 **[11:37] I don't think I'm going to leave.**

[11:37] ?

 **[11:38] Your life. You said people always leave, but I like you so I don't think I'm going to leave.**

[11:40] stfu I said the sappy stuff is over

 **[11:41] Okay Vino :D it's your turn ^w^**

[11:43] Would you rather have lots of weapons but be in constant danger or have no weapons but rarely be in danger?

 **[11:44] this is gonna be a long answer btw**

[11:44] wonderful .-.

 **[11:46] I'd say weapons but constant danger bcuz that's kinda my life anyway? Like my friends are pretty insane and my enemies even worse and I have an axe under my bed and like guns in hidden drawers and shit. I would feel rlly lost and vulnerable without my weapons and i can hold my own in a fight, so yeah the weapons and danger one.**

[11:47] My god do you live in the ghetto or some shit?

 **[11:47] /sorta/**

[11:48] why do you have a fucking axe under your bed

 **[11:49] defense. Also fun to play with. Family heirloom I think. I sharpen it in my spare time.**

[11:50] Ooookay i'm kinda scared now

 **[11:51] :( don't be scared of me Vino :(**

[11:52] you have a fucking axe how can I not be scared jesus

 **[11:53] But I've never used it on anybody! It's a scare tactic, I swear!**

[11:54] Really? Nobody?

 **[11:55] well there was that one time**

[11:55] Oh my god -_-

 **[11:56] haha just kidding XD**

[11:56] .-.

 **[11:57] actually i'm not but just that once I swear!**

[11:58] everyone i talk to is insane

 **[11:59] but that's what makes it fun, right? :D**

[12:00] yeah yeah whatever. I gotta go, brother's calling

 **[12:01] he didn't forget! Bye Vino :D**

[12:02] Bye bitch

/

Saturday (PM)

 _[3:19] Lovino I want to meet the person that makes you smiley~~~ :DDD_

[3:20] wtf are you talking about

 _[3:21] Moi aussi_

[3:21] stfu Francis why is this group chat existent

*French bastard changed the chat name to _L'amour de Lovino_ *

[3:22] what the actual fuck

 _[3:22] Aww Lovino you're embarrassed~~~_

 _[3:23] You need some teachings on the wonders of l'amour~_

[3:24] I don't know you fuckers

*You changed the chat name to _Fucking dipshits_ *

 _[3:25] Mon ami, you know that makes you a "fucking dipshit" as well?_

[3:25] stfu bastard nobody asked you

 _[3:26] I did! :D :3 ~.~_

[3:27] Why.

 _[3:28] because i'm not good with looove and I want to help you fratello ._

[3:28] wtf i'm not in love

 _[3:29] but youre smiling more and you look happy and youre texting a lot w_

 _[3:30] In short, you need advice from the love expert. _

[3:31] I'm not in love! I've never even met him and we've known each other for a week!

 _[3:31] D'accord, but you do have a *crush*_

[3:32] No I dont

 _[3:32] Fratello you're blushing! w_

[3:33] Stfu Feliciano. Why are you even texting me we're sitting across the room.

 _[3:33] because Francis isn't here and hes better at advice than me :S_

 _[3:34] Oui, mon ami. You need help. _

[3:35] You're all dead to me.

*You left the group chat*

/

Sunday (AM)

 **[9:30] Do you like snow?**

[9:35] No. It's cold and wet and really uncomfortable.

[9:36] also I dont slip in it i'm too cool to slip in snow

 **[9:36] I love snow :D**

[9:37] Of course you do. Fucking snowflake.

 **[9:38] I'm a very special snowflake, thnx for noticing**

[9:39]

 **[9:40] Wowww "snowflake prick" wowwww**

 **[9:40]**

[9:41] HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN MY NAME

 **[9:42] ever since you called yourself that**

[9:43] bitch

 **[9:44] no no it's "pasta bitch" ;D**

[9:45] I fucking hate you right now

/

Sunday (PM)

 **[6:01] There's a possibility of a snow day 2morrow :D**

[6:20]

[6:20] Sorry too busy enjoying my pasta

 **[6:21] bitch**

/

Monday (AM)

 **[8:44] THERES SNOW EVERYWHERE**

 **[8:44] SO MUCH WE GET A SNOW DAY**

 **[8:46] HELL YEAH I LOVE SNOW DAYSS**

 **[8:48] THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME**

 **[8:50] SEE YOU IN SNOW HELL BECAUSE IM GONNA BUILD AN EPIC SNOWFORT**

[10:21] what the hell

/

Monday (PM)

 **[4:09]**

[4:13] holy frick

 **[4:14] now THATS what I call a snowfort! :D**

[4:15] its huge

 **[4:16] that's what she said**

[4:17] blocked

[4:18] how tf did you make it

 **[4:19] blood, sweat, tears, and sheer awesomeness.**

[4:19] Mmhmm.

 **[4:20] yeah I almost died. Gil got me out tho so I didn't**

[4:21] Jesus. You have an eventful life.

 **[4:22] if by eventful you mean dangerous and deadly that is accurate**

/

 **[7:52] Update: we made a fire in the middle. It's like an igloo.**

[7:53] doubt

 **[7:54]**

 **[7:54] are you callin me a liar**

[7:55] damn

[7:56] i never said this but thats cool

 **[7:58] frickin rad, brah**

 **[7:59] Gil says we shoulda brought marshmallows**

[8:00] loser

 **[8:01] you wound me**

[8:02] that was the plan

 **[8:04] okay I can't feel my fingers anymore so i should probably go**

[8:05] advisable. Bye snowflake

 **[8:06] bye sunshine ;D**

* * *

 **Did you know that fanfiction. net does not bring over and underlined text? Also, all of the / used to be just enters. Ah, that formatting I do for attention.**

 **It actually took a really frickin long time to find all the formerly underlined text and underline it and enter in all the /'s ugh**

 **Key:**

Normal is Lovino

 **Bolded is Mathias**

 _Italicized is Feliciano_

 _Italicized and Underlined is Francis_

Underlined is Gilbert

 **Ciao~!**


	2. Chapter II

**Fyi, since this is a crack-pairing fic, there will be no popular pairings. Yes, that means no Gerita, no Sufin, no Fruk, etc. Hopefully that doesn't deter you from my story since you must be pretty open minded already for reading Denmano :D (this smile is v hopeful)**

 **Also, fanfic. net doesn't allow the greater-than less-than symbols, so I got a bit... creative with the hearts. They're {3 whoops**

* * *

Tuesday (PM)

[5:49] You killed yourself, didn't you.

 **[6:04] I'm not suicidal :(**

[6:05] well no, but your brain is so stupid it might kill itself out of pity

 **[6:06] k**

[6:07] plus you're an idiot so you would kill yourself on accident

 **[6:09] that's plausible**

 **[6:10] gtg bye sunshine**

[6:11] ugh bye snowflake

/

Wednesday (AM)

 **[3:09] holy hell I just had the creepiest nightmare**

[3:12] screw you I was sleeping

 **[3:13] sorry bro**

 **[3:14] can I tell you the dream tho**

[3:15] did you not see the sleeping text

 **[3:16] yeah but you're awake now**

[3:18] …fine

 **[3:23] I was running through Copenhagen which is really confusing cause i've only been there once and I was naked which isn't as weird i guess. But then my friend gil came running out of a store screaming and he was covered in these little yellow fluffballs that I then figured out were chicks like his demon chick Gilbird. Anyway they ATE HIM RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND IM SCARRED. THEY PICKED APART AT HIS BONES AND MY FRIEND WAS EATEN BY LITTLE BABY CHICKS.**

[3:35] what the actual fuck

 **[3:35] im not done**

[3:36] oh god

 **[3:40] then after being scarred i left like any sane person would do and I saw my whipped friend Lukas just like standing there with a sinister look on his face! And his stupid cross hairpin started growing and then it was this huge spaceship that chicks started coming out of in waves. Then the two other friends were there and one got caught in the wave and was EATEN ALIVE. THEN THE OTHER SCREAMED AND JUMPED INTO THE SEA OF YELLOW CHICKS TO SAVE THEM AND DIED TOO. THEN LUKAS LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "YOUR NEXT" AND I COULDN'T MOVE AND THE CHICKS OVERCAME ME AND THEN I WOKE UP.**

[3:41] um

 **[3:42] :'( save my sanity**

[3:43] you have weird dreams

 **[3:44] ill never be able to look at gilbird again DX**

[3:45] oookay that was strange and creepy and Im going to pretend it never happened.

 **[3:46] me too :( bye friendddd**

[3:48] bye

/

 **[7:55] I told gil the chick nightmare and he laughed in my face**

[7:56] deserved it

 **[7:57] bitch**

[7:58] I thought we established that i was a pasta bitch

 **[7:58] you are a pasta bitch**

 **[7:59] but you're my pasta bitch**

[8:00] I'm nobody's bitch stfu

 **[8:01] you wish you were my bitch**

[8:01] fuck you

 **[8:02] You wish**

[8:03] tf is up with you today?

 **[8:04] Shit sorry**

 **[8:04] I took my meds i don't really know what i'm typing rn**

[8:05] meds? For what

 **[8:05] pain meds. I fell on my broken leg so i got pain meds for it**

[8:06] you fell on your leg. How tf did you fall on your broken leg?!

 **[8:06] long story actually**

[8:07] sounds interesting. Unfortunately i already have a commitment

 **[8:07] ?**

[8:08] it's called school dumbass. and you should have it too.

 **[8:09] oh yea. meh.**

[8:10] ttyl snowflake

 **[8:10] bye sunshineeeee**

/

Wednesday (PM)

[4:02] Tell me your idiotic story

[4:12] hey

[4:22] are you ignoring me

[4:32] mattieeeee

[4:42] damn i thought that would work

[4:52] Mathias?

[5:02] gdi

/

 **[9:00] school game, no reception**

[9:04] long af school game

 **[9:05] yeah :( i didn't want to go but I had to show "school spirit"**

[9:05] that damn school spirit

 **[9:07] so you wanted to hear my awesome story**

[9:08] i think my exact words were idiotic but whatever

 **[9:09] It was on a dark and stormy night**

[9:10] oh my god

 **[9:10] The brave Mathias and Gil, alongside their friend Alfred, decided to brave the icy terrain**

[9:11] I can see where this is going

 **[9:12] But alas! The ice was not for Gil and Alfred. And brave Mathias trekked onwards!**

[9:13] how in gods name did you not kill yourself on the ice but your two friends, who don't have crutches, did?

 **[9:13] Brave Mathias had mystical prowess.**

[9:14] course he did

 **[9:15] And so brave Mathias continued on the quest to win the race!**

[9:15] this was a race?

 **[9:16] of course it was a race. And i was doing greatly against my foes**

[9:17] exaggeration

 **[9:18] And so brave Mathias reached the end of the ice and snow! Victorious, he threw his crutches in the air! And his friends gave him a hearty pat on the back!**

[9:19] jesus this is a long story

 **[9:20] Then brave Mathias and his compadres braved the ice on the way home! And they succeeded once more!**

[9:21] holy fuck when did you fall on you damn leg

 **[9:22] patience, little italian**

[9:23] literally i'm seething with rage. I will strangle you with a rope if I ever see your face.

 **[9:23] kinky**

[9:24] OH MY FUCKING GOD FINISHED THE GODDAMN STORY

 **[9:24] sorry sorry XD**

 **[9:25] And the trio made it home. And on the way into the awesome abode, brave Mathias fought with the evil threshold. Alas, brave Mathias cannot win every battle, and he paid the price with his leg.**

[9:26] So you're telling me you made it across ice, racing against your friends, with crutches, won the race, made it back, and fell on your leg when you tripped on the fucking threshold of your house

 **[9:27] that about sums it up :D**

[9:28] dumbass

 **[9:29] smartass**

[9:30] you did not

 **[9:30] I so did**

[9:30] ugh

 **[9:31] :)**

[9:35] wait, i just realized you were on your meds at like 8 in the morning?

 **[9:36] well yeah i fell on my leg at like 4 AM**

[9:37] I dont have the words

 **[9:38] to describe how great I am**

[9:38] To describe how fucking stupid you are

 **[9:39] that hurts**

 **[9:39] right here {3**

[9:40] suck it up

 **[9:41] Suck *what* up?**

[9:42] I'd say your ego but you probably wouldn't be able to fit that in your mouth

 **[9:43] you'd be surprised what I could fit in my mouth**

[9:44] i'm catholic and what you're saying is against my religion

 **[9:45] you ain't catholic**

[9:46] fuck you, i can be catholic if i want to

 **[9:47] lmao isn't swearing against your religion**

[9:47] stfu

 **[9:48] ;)**

[9:48] nO

 **[9:49] ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)**

[9:50] stop

 **[9:51] ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)**

[9:52] MATHIAS I SWEAR TO GOD

 **[9:52] see? not catholic :)**

[9:53] fuck you and your logic

 **[9:54] :)**

 **[9:57] hey Vino**

[9:58] what?

 **[9:59] what would you say if i told you i might be going to Italy for spring break?**

 **[10:04] Vino?**

[10:04] are you serious?

[10:05] Why would you come to Italy?

 **[10:06] Friend's grandpa has ties in Italy**

[10:07] what does that have to do with you?

 **[10:08] Nothing, my fam just wants a vacation and that's an excuse**

[10:09] your parents want to go to italy?

 **[10:10] No, my parents are pricks and they left. I mean Lukas (whipped) Icy (whipped's bro) the Thing wannabe/sadistic bastard, cute bean who's dating whipped**

 **[10:10] we're a family but we're all the same age**

[10:11] oh

[10:11] where in Italy?

 **[10:12] Idk, where do you live?**

[10:13] no way in hell am i telling you that

 **[10:14] okay where would you recommend going?**

[10:18] venice

 **[10:18] any reason?**

[10:19] are you seriously asking that fucking question. venice is the best city in the world just go

 **[10:20] okay :)**

[10:25] i'm going to bed

 **[10:26] Night Vino~**

[10:27] night bastard

/

Thursday (AM)

[5:43] don't text me until after nine tonight my brother has my phone

 **[7:02] ;)**

[7:04] I'm serious if you text I'm forsaking our friendship

 **[7:05] :(**

/

Thursday (PM)

 **[9:55] Vino i have a question**

[9:56] nothing i say will stop you from asking this

 **[9:56] haha nope :D**

 **[9:57] do you have any other siblings? Other than your fabulous bro**

[9:58] Sort of?

[9:58] I have a half-sibling but he doesnt live with us

 **[9:59] Thats still family**

[10:00] Yeah. I want to see him but he lives in Australia :(

 **[10:00] oh fuck dont send a sad emoji**

 **[10:01] if your sad im sad**

[10:02] do you have any siblings? Like among your weird ass family

 **[10:03] Berwald is my half-brother :D**

[10:03] who tf is berwald

 **[10:04] oh oops XD i'll just tell you my family story it's interesting**

[10:04] I'll just go get some popcorn

 **[10:07] So my "parents" were jerkwads who each had about five affairs each. Berwald and I were born at pretty much the same time and have the same father, his mother was married to my and his father and I was a bastard child (literally) but I still grew up with them.**

[10:08] so far so sucky

[10:09] and you were serious about this life story thing damn

 **[10:12] When we were like 10 or something we found out my mother had an affair after I was born and that her four month trip to greece was to hide the baby bump. She forced the child to live with the dad (who actually lived in norway) and we didn't find out until we were 10. So then we got another addition to the family, Lukas.**

[10:12] The crosspin one from the dream

 **[10:17] And apparently step-mom liked that one dude, Lukas's father, so she accidentally had another kid with him who lives with us too, he was born in iceland tho and lived there for a while. Oh, and when Berwald and I were 15, Lukas 13, icy 10, Ber's mother died and our father left us. We didn't want to go to an orphanage so we pretended our father was on a long trip until I turned 18 and got custody. Same time i got custody (or around there) Lukas met Tino, who he is now dating :D**

[10:18] dammnnn

[10:19] that's one hell of a life story

 **[10:20] haha yeah**

 **[10:21] i can't believe I told you all that**

[10:22] not to be a therapist or any shit but you probably needed to tell *someone*

 **[10:23] thnx for listening anyway XD**

 **[10:23] or reading**

[10:24] i can't believe you have such a crazy background

 **[10:25] That's why i dont tell ppl**

[10:26] tbh i would probably die with four siblings

 **[10:27] three, since it'd be kinda weird for two sibs to date**

 **[10:27] js**

[10:28] oh yeah

 **[10:29] so what's your story**

[10:30] oh I dont tell strangers

 **[10:31] Vino you're an asshole**

[10:32] :)

 **[10:33] come onnnn :(**

 **[10:33] do you have any other friends other than "toni"**

[10:34] of course i do

 **[10:35] oh, do tell Mr. Social.**

[10:35] stfu

[10:36] I have friends

 **[10:37] many i'm sure**

 **[10:42] so?**

[10:43] stfu

[10:44] all the ppl i know are idiots

 **[10:45] eyy but i'm your friend**

[10:45] no comment

 **[10:46] Vinoo~**

 **[10:46] ;))))**

[10:47] nope

 **[10:48] come onnnn i told you my life story**

[10:49] that's your fault bitch

 **[10:50] prick :(**

[10:51] asshole

 **[10:52] friend**

[10:52] acquaintance

 **[10:53] bff**

[10:53] bf

[10:53] WAIT SHIT

 **[10:54] ?!**

[10:54] THAT IS A TYPO I MEANT *FF

 **[10:55] hell yeah friends forever**

[10:56] wait what

 **[10:57] there's no going back ! mwahaha :D**

[10:58] nooooo

 **[10:59] TOO LATE HAHAHA**

[11:00] how awful. I'm being forced to be someone's friend.

 **[11:01] you forgot the forever part :D**

[11:02] how could i forget that

 **[11:03] brb**

[11:04] ok?

 **[11:09] sorry getting ready for bed**

[11:10] yea I did too

 **[11:11] twinning :D**

[11:12] Great, anothing thing in common with you

 **[11:13] :D**

/

Friday (PM)

 **[4:15] do you like dogs**

[4:20] no. go away.

 **[4:21] do you like cats**

[4:22] yes. go away.

 **[4:23] do you like fish**

[4:24] oh my fucking god

/

Saturday (AM)

 **[10:00] i think im invincible**

[10:01] don't do it

 **[10:02] you don't even know what i'm gonna do**

[10:03] it'll be idiotic and threatening to your health. Who can I swear at if you're dead?

 **[10:04] your brother probably**

[10:05] True

/

Saturday (PM)

 **[9:25] party rock is in the hoouse tonighhht**

 **[9:26] everybody just have a good timeeee**

 **[9:27] and we gone make you loose yoru minnd**

 **[9:28] we just wanna see ya**

 **[9:29] shake that**

 **[9:30] BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BA DUM. BUM BA DUM BUM BUM BUM BA DUM.**

[9:40] are you drunk

 **[9:41] NOPE :DDDDDDDDDDD**

/

Sunday (AM)

 **[8:56] shiiiiiit**

[8:59] dipshit

 **[9:00] paiiiin**

[9:01] well maybe dont get so fuckin drunk next time

 **[9:02] im glad my phone died**

[9:02] how is that a good thing

 **[9:03] I probably would have ended up sexting you**

[9:04] nevermind that is a very good thing

 **[9:04] hahaha i'm sure you would've enjoyed that ;)**

[9:05] stfu stupid I'd want to kill you

 **[9:05] You always want to kill me tho :D**

[9:06] you're the first to say that with a smile emoji

 **[9:06] :D :D :D :D :D**

[9:07] stop

 **[9:08] :D**

[9:08] bitch i will cut you

 **[9:09] from Italy?**

[9:10] You underestimate my skills

 **[9:11] well you are like 20 cm shorter than me**

[9:12] What does that have to do with anything bitch

 **[9:12] Nothing nothing :P**

 **[9:14] would you rather be a tree or a bug**

[9:15] wtf kind of question is that

[9:15] a tree

 **[9:16] Bcuz then you'd be tall? :P**

[9:17] Bcuz then i could kick your ass

 **[9:18] uh**

[9:18] fuckin logic. use it.

 **[9:19] I somehow doubt logic will help your case**

[9:20] stfu logic is always on my side

 **[9:21] haha your short side anyway :D**

[9:22] are you ever going to forget about my height.

 **[9:23] nope :D**

[9:34] fuck u

/

Sunday (PM)

 _[7:18] vee~ you must be the person my fratello is always texting~~ :DD_

 **[7:20] Hello**

 _[7:20] you always make him smile :DDDD_

 **[7:21] Really? He seems like the frowny kind of guy.**

 _[7:22] ve… he is… but he gets all blushy and this kindof hidden smile but i can tell ;DD_

 **[7:23] Wow. You're pretty cool, Vino's bro**

 _[7:24] ahhh you call him vino thats so cuuute 333_

 _[7:24] and call me Feliciano :DDDDD_

 **[7:25] Okay, Feliciano :)**

/

 **[7:30] sup bitch**

 **[7:30] ur bro texted me**

[7:31] HOW TF DID HE GET YOUR NUMBER?

 **[7:32] idk**

[7:33] I'm gonna kill him

 **[7:34] don't get blood on your clothes**

/

[7:56] I'm bored

 **[7:57] same**

[7:58] what about your bitch

 **[7:59] he's busy murdering ppl**

[8:00] you picked a good one

 **[8:01] ikr**

/

 _ **[8:34] hola amigos**_

 _[8:36] salut Antoine_

[8:37] why tf is everyone texting tonight

 _[8:38] ve~~ I dunno~~_

 _[8:39] Toni did you hear about Lovino's love life?_

[8:40] I don't have a love life.

 _ **[8:41] Lovi has a love life? :00000**_

[8:42] i feel insulted

 _[8:43] Lovi im confused :((_

 _[8:44] Oui, his little snowflake ;)_

[8:45] wtef how did you learn that

 _[8:45] Lovi I dont know what that means :(_

[8:46] what the even fuck

[8:46] get on my level bitches

 _ **[8:47] Lovi let me meet your love :00**_

 _[8:47] Add him to the chat_

[8:48] Fuck no. And he's not my love wtf

 _[8:49] did you have his name as "snowflake prick"?_

 _[8:50] very classy, Lovino_

 _ **[8:50] you didn't have bastard in his name? :0000**_

 _[8:50] I told you Toni, this one's special_

 _[8:51] Loviiii you didnt answer the question :((((_

[8:52] fuck all of you i dont love him. I've only known him for two weeks. y'all need to chill tf out. and Feli why does it matter?

 _ **[8:53] you can {3 after 2 weeks C:**_

 _[8:54] Oui, c'est vrai. It's hard but not impossible_

 _[8:55] vee i have his number he's rlly nice :))))))))_

 _[8:55] WHAT_

 _ **[8:55] WHAT**_

[8:55] FELI DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

*Snowflake prick was added to the chat*

[8:56] oh fuck

 _[8:57] Lovino's friend?_

 _ **[8:57] Hola! ^w^**_

 _[8:58] vee hello ^u^_

 **[8:59] um**

[9:00] leave

 _ **[9:01] Lovi don't be rude! :(**_

 _[9:01] Mon ami, please don't leave_

 _[9:01] pls T^T_

[9:02] leave bastard

 **[9:03] bitch you can't tell me what to do**

 _[9:04] I_

 _[9:04] I have never seen anyone talk to lovino like that_

 _ **[9:05] O.O**_

[9:06] stfu

 _[9:06] noo i like his friend ;((((_

 **[9:06] a winky frown?**

 _[9:06] ve?_

 **[9:07] it's like**

 _ **[9:07] what?**_

 _[9:08] ?_

 **[9:09] Its Vino's emoji**

 _[9:09] VEEEE~_

 _[9:10] MON DIEU XD_

 _ **[9:10] PERF**_

 **[9:11] vino r u alive**

[9:12] fuck u all im leaving

 **[9:12] noooo vino :'(**

 _ **[9:13] amigo dont leave D:**_

 _[9:13] Oui, this is very entertaining_

 _[9:14] If you leave then your friend will leave T^T_

 **[9:20] yea he's gone**

/

 **[10:00] ;D**

[10:10] prick

 **[10:11] D;**

* * *

 **Formatting is really fucking annoying, js. Also I had a ton of fun writing this story and there was pretty much no planning XD**

 **gayhetalianess : Here ya go! fresh update! ;D**

 **Au revoir~**


	3. Chapter III

**This is not a long story in all... js... this is like the second to last chapter... and the last is pretty short... #manyregrets**

 **Oh and I forgot a disclaimer but it's pretty obvious that I don't own Hetalia ;(**

* * *

Monday (AM)

 **[7:04] Vinoooo~**

 **[7:08] sunshine?**

 **[7:15] hellooooo**

/

 **[10:27] r u alive**

/

Monday (PM)

 **[12:01] Hey**

 **[12:02] Are you ignoring me?**

 **[12:10] :'(**

/

 **[4:00] vino**

 **[4:36] im gonna jump off a cliff again~**

 **[5:13] damn i thought that would work**

 **[6:22] Vino i'm borrreeddd**

 **[9:42] okay actually wtf where r u**

/

Tuesday (AM)

 **[7:01] alll byy myy selfff**

/

Tuesday (PM)

 **[4:12] :(**

/

Thursday (PM)

 **[4:49] WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU**

/

Friday (AM)

[6:34] em. hi.

 **[6:35] VINOOOOO~**

 **[6:35] youre a bitch**

[6:36] well okay

 **[6:37] no, a prick**

[6:37] mathias

 **[6:38] a bitchy prick**

[6:39] mattie

 **[6:39] a cactus bitch bcuz youre such a prick**

[6:40] SNOWFLAKE

 **[6:41] yea?**

[6:42] first off why tf do you only respond to that

 **[6:43] ¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯**

[6:44] and will you let me explain

 **[6:45] nope**

[6:45] asshole

[6:50] im explaining anyway

 **[6:51] only five minutes to crack ;)**

[6:52] stfu bastard

[6:53] i dropped my phone in a fucking fountain and it destroyed the wimpy thing

 **[6:54] so you had to get a new phone**

[6:55] Yes. It was fucking awful.

 **[6:56] it was bad on this side too :(**

 **[6:56] I thought you abandoned me :(**

[6:57] abandoned you?

 **[6:58] youre the only one who listens to me T^T**

[6:59] um you have friends

 **[7:00] yea but theyre either dating or cant handle my personality**

[7:01] Tino?

 **[7:02] dating Lukas, 'member?**

[7:03] Berwald?

 **[7:04] can only handle me in very short doses**

[7:05] how about that fuckwad gil you mentioned

 **[7:06] HE STARTED FUCKING DATING SOMEONE**

[7:07] oh. who?

 **[7:08] this is fucking painful to say, but our friend**

[7:09] that tells me nothing

 **[7:10] fat american friend Alfred. And his bro is no fun :'(**

 **[7:11] he's canadian**

[7:12] i had a canadian friend

 **[7:13] I thought you didn't have friends ;P**

[7:14] *had* a canadian friend. He moved north somewhere idk

[7:15] he had an american brother too

 **[7:16] huh. cool.**

[7:18] i have school. Bye.

 **[7:19] bye sunshinnnee ttyl**

/

Friday (PM)

 _ **[8:23] Loviiiii i want to meet your friend T^T**_

 _[8:24] me too ! (~ ^w^)~_

 _[8:25] it would be nice to see a new face ;)_

[8:26] do any of you fuckers realize he's still on this shitty chat

 _[8:27] Well that makes things easier_

 _ **[8:27] Lovi's frieeeend, when can we meet you ? TwT**_

[8:28] never

 _[8:28] stop being so possessive, mon ami. It's not befitting of you. _

[8:29] fuck you and your flowery ass, francis

 _[8:30] but lovinooo~ he sounds fun to meet !_

 **[8:31] i feel like i should make my presence known**

 _[8:31] Salut ;)_

 _[8:31] Veeee~ Ciao~!_

 _ **[8:31] Hola amigo *\\(^w^)/***_

[8:32] toni is that a fucking cheerleader

 _ **[8:32] siiiii ;DDD**_

 **[8:33] Let the spaniard live his life, vino**

[8:33] don't fucking defend him you dont even know him

 **[8:34] sure i do! It's Toni, your one friend!**

 _[8:34] I'm wounded, Lovino. _

[8:35] Mathias you son of a bitch

 _[8:35] Mathias? Veee, is that his name~?_

 _[8:36] Mathias… why does that name feel familiar_

 **[8:37] Noo Vino my secret identity has been revealed T^T**

[8:37] screw you and your secret identity

 _[8:38] I swear i knew a mathias_

 _ **[8:39] me too, mi amigo :S**_

 **[8:40] idk who you guys are**

 **[8:40] ur vino's friends?**

 _ **[8:41] Siii**_

 _[8:41] Oui_

 _[8:41] and im his fratello ~~ :DDD_

[8:41] no.

 _ **[8:42] Lovi T^T**_

 _[8:42] Denial_

 _[8:42] aww fratello dont be like that :(_

[8:43] I can do whatever the fuck i want

 **[8:44] hey where do you guys live**

 _[8:44] Italy of course ^^_

 _ **[8:45] Me too and I'm studying abroad from Spain :D**_

 _[8:45] I am as well but I am from France~_

[8:46] you fuckwads why would you tell him that

 _[8:47] Why? Where are you from, mon ami?_

 **[8:47] Denmark :P**

 _ **[8:48] so why did you come to italy~?**_

[8:49] dont answer that

 **[8:49] um**

 _[8:50] you are in Italy, right?_

 **[8:50] um**

 _[8:51] ve… why does it matter?_

 _[8:51] Mon dieu, Lovino. _

[8:52] stfu you dont know my life

 _ **[8:53] But lovi, we do…**_

 _[8:53] Fratello we've lived together for our whole lives…_

 **[8:53] lmao shot down**

 **[8:54] seriously though who are you guys**

 _ **[8:55] I'm Antonio ~**_

 _[8:55] Francis Bonnefoy :*_

 _[8:55] you already know me ^o^_

[8:56] you guys are fucking idiots

 **[8:57] WAIT A MINUTE**

 **[8:57] *YOUR* FRANCIS BONNEFOY?**

 _[8:58] Ah… oui_

 _[8:58] what's the matter? ~.~_

[8:59] how tf do *you* know him? T-T

 **[9:00] Francis do you remember anyone by the name of Ivan Braginsky?**

 _[9:01] Oui… why?_

 **[9:02] bitch sound more excited**

 _[9:02] how do you sound excited from texts? *.*_

 _[9:03] do you know him?!_

 **[9:03] yea. Hes a freaky son of a bitch but talked about his "sunflower" all the time**

 _[9:04] oh mon dieu, he remembers me?_

[9:04] wtf francis

 _ **[9:05] mi amigo, you have a lover?**_

 _[9:05] OWO_

 _[9:06] Euh, not a lover… _

**[9:06] Yeah theyre totally lovers**

 **[9:06] just in denial**

 _[9:07] Mon ami I can confirm we are not lovers_

 _[9:07] Yayyy Franny you have a boyfriend :DDD_

 _ **[9:07] you should have told us sooner :L**_

 _[9:08] Mon dieu_

[9:08] feel my pain bitch

 _[9:09] that's not very nice, Lovi T^T_

[9:09] dont even try to pull a Toni bastard

 _ **[9:09] i dont understand T^T**_

[9:10] I stand by my case.

 **[9:11] I gtg boiis**

 _[9:11] Vee, bye Mathiass!_

 _[9:11] Au revoir_

 _ **[9:12] Adios!**_

[9:13] bye bastard

 **[9:13] see ya bitch**

 _[9:14] you two are very vulgar with each other_

[9:14] tf you talking about

 _ **[9:15] It is Lovi, Francis**_

 _[9:15] true_

[9:16] wtf, why are you texting like im not here!

 _[9:17] Lovino, i want some pasta~_

[9:17] no

 _[9:18] Aww lovi plsss T^T_

[9:18] it's fucking 9 PM

 _[9:19] OvO_

[9:20] ugh

[9:22] Fine

 _[9:22] I should be taking my leave as well~_

[9:23] nobody asked you, bastard

 _ **[9:24] adiossss~ :DDDD**_

 _[9:25] Au revoir Antoine ;)_

[9:25] You disgust me.

 _[9:26] Pasta, Lovi! Pasta!~_

 **/**

Saturday (AM)

[8:08] I'm still mad at you, you know.

 **[8:10] X.X Why?**

[8:11] you encouraged them

 **[8:12] But Vinooo~ they're your friends!**

[8:12] When did I say they were my friends.

 **[8:13] You didnt have to say anything**

[8:14] Newsflash. I hate them.

 **[8:15] aww no you dont**

[8:15] aww yeah, actually. I do.

 **[8:16] But Feliciano is your brother! OwO**

[8:16] How tf do you know his name?! Have you been stalking me?!

 **[8:17] Uh. No. He told me XD**

[8:17] oh

 **[8:18] you wish i was stalking you ;)**

[8:19] fuck you

[8:19] dont reply to that

 **[8:20] ;)**

[8:21] why am i friends with you

 **[8:22] I would make some comment about how awesome i am, but YOU CALLED ME YOUR FRIEND :DDDDDD**

[8:22] oh shit

 **[8:23] :DDDDDD**

 **[8:23] :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D**

[8:24] oh my god its not that big of a deal bastard

 **[8:25] it is to meeeee**

[8:25] why?

 **[8:26] Bcuz we're officially friends now :D :P**

[8:27] What, do you want a frickin friendship bracelet or some shit?

 **[8:27] Now that you mention it**

[8:28] no

 **[8:29] []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-** **[]- look there's your bracelet :D**

[8:30] wtf

 **[8:31] Vino you have to send me one now**

[8:32] What? no

 **[8:33] :'( pls vino**

[8:33] why is "no" not in your vocabulary

 **[8:34] sunshine :'(**

 **[8:35] U.U**

[8:36] FINE

 **[8:36] YAY :D**

[8:38] /o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~/o/~

[8:39] happy bastard?

 **[8:39] WHOAAA ITS FANCY**

 **[8:39] yayyy thnx vino now we're officially friends ;D**

[8:40] great

 **[8:41] THERES NO GOING BACK**

[8:42] what?

 **[8:42] ONCE YOU AGREE THERES NO REFUNDS**

 **[8:43] YOURE MY FRIEND FOREVER WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT :D**

[8:44] I've been friendnapped?

 **[8:45] Exactly.**

[8:46] I escape your chains easily.

 **[8:47] There's a guard at the door!**

[8:48] I trick the guard.

 **[8:49] By seducing him!**

[8:49] Nobody can resist Italian charms bitch

 **[8:50] But there's another guard! Who's straight!**

[8:51] Drop kick 'em

 **[8:52] Electric fence!**

[8:53] Destroy the electric box and climb over

 **[8:53] But I grabbed you before you could make it to the top**

[8:54] Kick you in the face

 **[8:55] asshole**

[8:55] but it worked, didn't it?

 **[8:56] hell no it didnt I dragged you off the fence**

[8:57] I wrestled with you

 **[8:57] You lost**

[8:58] What no I didn't I beat your sorry ass

 **[8:59] 3rd place wrestling tournament bitch**

[9:00] What the hell is there anything you cant do jesus

 **[9:01] baking**

 **[9:01] and crocheting. I got the knitting part but crocheting kills me.**

[9:02] uh

 **[9:03] also cooking in general escapes me**

[9:03] really?

 **[9:04] Yeah pretty awful actually**

 **[9:05] And one other thing but I keep that a secret :)**

[9:06] dick

[9:06] Now you have to tell me

 **[9:07] ohh no not until you tell me an embarrassing secret**

[9:07] hell no

 **[9:08] ok whatever you say ;)**

[9:12] shit I'm really curious

 **[9:13] too bad**

[9:14] you seem so nice on the outside

 **[9:14] thnx. I try.**

[9:15] ughhhh fine

[9:17] my whole family is good at painting but i cant paint for shit

 **[9:18] Another thing we have in common**

[9:19] Somehow i doubt you're as bad as me

 **[9:20] probably not i can do icescapes pretty well**

[9:21] liar

 **[9:22] no im not lying i can paint icescapes**

[9:23] No you're a liar for saying you're bad at painting

 **[9:24] Oh, yeah. XD**

[9:26] I'm waiting.

 **[9:27] Greaaat**

[9:28] well?

 **[9:29] I can't tie a tie**

[9:30] BAHAHA riiighht

[9:32] oh shit you're serious

 **[9:33] :'(**

[9:34] How do you not know that it's required for any dance or formal event ever

 **[9:35] I was never taught and I've never been to a dance. Formal events i wear clipons**

[9:36] That's sad, Mathias

 **[9:37] your sad**

[9:39] A+ comeback

 **[9:40] thnx. I try.**

[9:41] no you dont

 **[9:42] you discovered my secret**

 **[9:42] whatever shall i do**

[9:43] Your sarcasm is so fucking strong i can feel it through the screen

 **[9:44] allll the way from Denmark :D**

[9:45] Why do you keep bringing up the distance?

 **[9:46] bcuz it makes me sad, Vino :'(**

[9:46] Y

 **[9:47] Vinooo i wanna meet you T^T**

[9:48] Yeah well. You can't.

/

 **[9:49] Where do you guys live**

 _[9:50] Ve… like, venice? Or something more specific…_

 **[9:51] Nah, that's good. Thnx Feliciano.**

 _[9:52] No problem! And call me Feli ^W^_

 **[9:52] Okay Feli :D**

/

[9:50] Bastard?

[9:53] Snowflake?

 **[9:54] sorry I'm back**

[9:55] what were you doing ?

 **[9:56] So you're from Venice? ;D**

[9:56] FELI

 **[9:57] ehh that and intuition**

 **[9:58] that *is* where you told me to go for vaca**

[9:59] everyone goes to venice its fucking fabulous

 **[10:00] "fucking fabulous"**

[10:00] Screw you

 **[10:01] :P**

 **[10:04] Spring break's in a week**

[10:05] WHAT

 **[10:06] does that mean i can meet you in a week ? :D?**

 **[10:14] hello…?**

/

Saturday (PM)

 **[8:57] ignore any texts past this point**

[9:00] dare i ask

 **[9:01] just getting plastered**

[9:02] wtf is this your every saturday night

 **[9:03] Yeah pretty much. Gotta get the big bucks.**

[9:03] Please explain how you GAIN MONEY FROM DRINKING

 **[9:04] Oh shit I haven't told you yet have I**

[9:04] Mm.

 **[9:06] Every Saturday me Gil and Al get in this competition against other teams who can drink the most. You put 20 in a pool and the winners take the money home**

[9:06] That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

 **[9:07] We usually win unless that stupid russian brings in reinforcements**

[9:08] How tf did you win against a fucking russian

 **[9:08] carefully. But it's not the russian we need to watch out for.**

[9:09] Oh really?

 **[9:10] Yeah. It's his sister that can REALLY hold her alcohol.**

 **[9:10] gotta go. If I text you after this im realllly drunk so you should ignore it for your own health**

[9:11] looking forward to it -_-

/

Sunday (AM)

 **[12:34] FUCKJ YEAIOH WE WONN**

[12:36] holy hell how

 **[12:37] HISSS SISSSTERD WAZSNT THER**

[12:38] God your spelling is atrocious

 **[12:39] IDKD WAT DAT MEEENS**

[12:40] I was told to ignore you, you know.

 **[12:41] WHOO SAID DAT**

[12:41] Sober you.

 **[12:42] FUCKF THEMN**

[12:43] Taking the phrase "go fuck yourself" too seriously I see.

 **[12:44] SUNSHIDNDE UR CONFUISNG**

[12:45] I couldnt care less

 **[12:46] Y R U SO MEEN TO MEE :(((((**

[12:47] im not really

 **[12:48] YEAH U R. U ALWASY YEL ATH ME AN DSTUF**

[12:49] bastard thats how i talk

 **[12:50] O YEA**

 **[12:51] vINO UR GR8**

[12:52] Uh… thanks

 **[12:53] THRS A DUCK IMA PET EET**

[12:54] go home Mathias

 **[12:55] BUUT DUKCIE**

[12:56] snowflake go home

 **[12:57] DO U TINK CARS HRUT**

[12:58] oh my god dont jump in front of a car

 **[12:59] BUT DO DEY HUTR**

[1:00] Yes you fucking idiot they hurt

 **[1:01] RLLY?/**

[1:01] Uh, yeah.

 **[1:03] VINO DO TINK I CN UFLFY?**

[1:04] Do I think you can what?

 **[1:05] FLY**

[1:06] No.

 **[1:07] UR A DOUBTEER**

 **[1:08] I PROIVE U RONG**

[1:08] no dont do that

 **[1:09] I FOIUEND DA CLIFFFFFF**

[1:10] fucking hell why are there so many cliffs where u live

 **[1:11] I JUMP ND FLI VINO**

[1:12] DONT JUMP OFF A CLIFF IDIOTA

 **[1:13] YY**

[1:13] You'll kill yourself

 **[1:14] SO**

[1:15] do you have NO FUCKING SELF PRESERVATION

 **[1:16] WATS DAT**

[1:16] oh my god

[1:17] Just don't jump, okay?

 **[1:18] Y I WANA FLI**

[1:19] You can fly or you can visit me.

 **[1:20] BOHT**

[1:21] You can only do one or the other. Which one?

 **[1:23] AWKAY**

[1:23] awkay what?

 **[1:24] I GO OME**

[1:25] oh thank god

[1:30] Idiota? Did you make it home?

 **[1:32] YEA**

[1:33] Are you okay

[1:35] ?

 **[1:37] Mathias just passed out on the couch and I formally apologize for anything he has said. Thank you for getting him home somehow. -Lukas**

[1:38] Okay

/

Sunday (PM)

 **[6:32] I HAVE REGRETS**

 **[6:33] SO MANY REGRETS**

/

Monday (AM)

[7:03] You should have many regrets.

 **[7:04] whyyy :(**

[7:05] I have a list

 **[7:06] I can't believe I almost jumped off a cliff**

[7:07] You and jumping off cliffs I swear

 **[7:08] it's a problem**

 **[7:09] Vino I made a revelation**

[7:10] congrats you learned a new word

 **[7:11] stfu it's about you bitch**

[7:12] great

 **[7:12] You actually care about me :D**

[7:13] No i dont

 **[7:14] YEA YOU DOOOO**

[7:15] fuckin hell no I dont

 **[7:16] "you can either fly or visit me"**

 **[7:16] You want to meet me :D**

[7:17] I lied to get you to go home

 **[7:18] But that still means you care enough to convince me to not jump off a cliff :D**

[7:20] decent morals

 **[7:21] I don't belieevee you ;D**

[7:22] Fuck u

 **[7:23] whatever u say vino ;D**

/

Monday (PM)

 **[5:06] I'm bored**

[5:07] Congradufuckinglations I'm busy

 **[5:08] Damn**

/

Tuesday (PM)

[4:12] Do you play any instruments?

 **[4:13] *gasp* you initiated the conversation! I feel like our relationship has reached a new level**

[4:14] stfu and answer the damn question

 **[4:15] I used to play the trumpet but Berwald used it as a weapon on an intruder and it warped out of shape**

[4:15] Damn, can't you just get a new one?

 **[4:16] Probably. It happened a few years ago I dont play anything anymore. U?**

[4:17] Violin

 **[4:18] whoa really**

[4:18] and piano and guitar

 **[4:19] Jesus**

[4:19] and a bit of clarinet

 **[4:20] I**

 **[4:20] okay**

[4:21] Bitch I can play more instruments than you

 **[4:22] stfu im stronger**

[4:23] gdi

 **[4:25] I gotta go bye sunshinne**

[4:25] bye bastard

[4:28] *snowflake

/

Wednesday (AM)

 **[4:20] lol blaze it**

[4:24] I WILL STAB YOU FROM ITALY YOU FUCKING BASTARD

/

Wednesday (PM)

 **[7:32] VINO GUESS WHAT**

[7:34] what

 **[7:35] I'm leaving for italy on fridayyyyyy :D**

[7:36] Jesus already?

 **[7:37] Yeah :DDDD r u excited ?**

[7:38] No

[7:40] ugh fine maybe a little

 **[7:41] I'm excited :DDD**

[7:42] of course you are bastard

 **[7:43] ;D**

/

Thursday (AM)

[7:02] I'm leaving my phone at home so dont freak out if I dont reply

 **[7:04] Aww you're worried about me**

[7:06] stfu

/

Thursday (PM)

[8:22] Feliciano told me to get to know you more

 **[8:23] Feliciano is an all-knowing god**

[8:25] Um.

 **[8:25] sorry sorry continue**

[8:26] he gave me a fucking list

 **[8:27] ooh okay**

[8:28] "cats or dogs"

 **[8:29] dogs all the way man**

[8:30] I don't know you

 **[8:31] i mean cats of course ;D**

[8:31] whatever

[8:32] ps4 or xbox?

 **[8:33] probs ps4. I dont own either tho so I just know from friend's consoles**

[8:33] You live a sad, ghetto life

 **[8:34] Yea XD**

[8:35] damn these get dark quick

 **[8:36] shoot**

[8:37] "would you rather die old and alone or young and with friends?"

 **[8:38] depends**

[8:39] On what?

 **[8:41] well if I'm old and alone does that mean my friends already died? Or that they abandoned me earlier and they're still alive but I'm just alone?**

[8:42] uh

 **[8:43] And if I'm young and with friends are they dying too? Because I don't want them to be sad after I die because that would be a pretty sucky legacy**

[8:44] You're thinking too much into this. Moving on.

 **[8:45] lol okey**

[8:46] "what is your coolest feature?"

 **[8:47] physical I'm assuming**

[8:47] sure

 **[8:48] Probably my eye**

[8:49] Your eye? What's so special about one eye and what did the other do to be less cool

 **[8:50] Omg I haven't told you yet**

[8:51] told me what

 **[8:52] Uhhhhh**

 **[8:53] Uhhhmmmmmm**

[8:54] fucking hell just TELL ME WHAT IS SO COOL ABOUT YOUR EYE

 **[8:55] I'll just start at the beginning**

[8:55] that would be good

 **[8:57] when I was younger my father and step-mom were having a fight about Berwald, who was actually their child, and how he was the biggest mistake of their lives and blah blah blah**

[8:57] Jesus.

 **[9:00] Ber was getting stuck between them and it was getting dangerous so i tried to get him out and the stepmom turned on me and said I should have never been born and hit me in the face with a wine glass. It cut my eye so bad I can't see out of it anymore so I just wear an eyepatch most of the time since it freaks ppl out**

[9:01] holy fuck

[9:02] what the hell?

 **[9:03] heh**

[9:04] Your stepmom hit you in the face with a fucking wineglass and you didn't call the authorities?

 **[9:05] I was like seven I didn't know any better**

[9:06] WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE SEVEN?

[9:07] WHAT ABOUT THE HOSPITAL

 **[9:08] I didn't go to a hospital at first bcuz my "parents" didn't want to pay the bills**

[9:08] "at first"?

 **[9:09] Yea it got infected so they had to take me in, then the doctors and stuff said I wouldn't be able to see out of that eye anymore**

 **[9:10] I got a wicked looking scar tho**

[9:11] You can't see out of one of your fucking eyes and that's all you have to say

 **[9:12] It happened a while ago I'm fine now**

[9:13] My god I can't even talk to you right now

[9:13] I'm still comprehending what you just told me

 **[9:14] I'm fine! I said it was my coolest feature cause it looks cool!**

[9:15] jesus fuck i cant

 **[9:16] heh oops I broke you**

[9:20] Moving on.

 **[9:21] sure**

[9:22] are you going to ask me questions

 **[9:23] Am I supposed to**

[9:24] common courtesy bastard

 **[9:25] Oh**

 **[9:26] What's your favorite time of the day**

[9:27] sunset

 **[9:28] fav sad memory?**

[9:29] making pasta with my grandfather for the last time

 **[9:30] elaborate**

[9:32] We made pasta together, ate the pasta together, and he went home to be hit by a car

 **[9:33] damn that's harsh**

 **[9:34] when?**

[9:35] last year

 **[9:36] Oh my god I'm sorry I didn't mean to open fresh wounds**

[9:37] jesus it's okay you told me your life story afterall

 **[9:38] I guess**

 **[9:39] Blue or red?**

[9:40] Red

 **[9:41] blocked**

[9:42] fuck u red is a great color. And didn't u say it was ur favorite earlier

 **[9:43] idk blue is better :P**

[9:43] like hell it is

 **[9:44] But snow is blue! The sky is blue! Ice is blue! Seas are blue!**

[9:45] snow and ice are not blue they're grey and white grossness. And red is superior

 **[9:46] Fight me bitch ice is blue**

[9:47] dammit no it isn't

 **[9:48] I'm bringing one of my icescapes to prove your scrawny ass wrong**

[9:49] how do you know my ass is scrawny bastard?

 **[9:50] intuition**

[9:51] fuck u

* * *

 ***whips* YEET.**

 **oh my god I can't believe I just wrote that. also I'm mad myself for not writing more of this, but it actually takes a while... because of the stupid af [ENTER MOTHER FRICKIN' TIME HERE] boxes and the various fonts. meh**

 **gdesertsand : TYSM ILY. I'm so happy to see you enjoy my story~ :D**

 **Trying To Try My Best** **: first off gr8 name buddy 10/10. second ahHHHHH THANK YOU often I try too hard at humor so like,,,,, I almost didn't tag this as humor bcuz of my weak, doubting ass. And you're welcome? Honestly I loved making this so thank you for reading it XD**

 **Review? :D?**

 **Farvel~**


	4. Chapter IV

**why am i updating this it hasn't even been 24 hours wtf me (also I know nothing about venice so INTERNET YEE)**

 **shorter than usual, don't worry this will not become a trend**

* * *

Friday (AM)

 **[5:49] IF UR EXCITED AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS**

 **[5:50] *clap clap***

 **[5:51] IF UR EXCITED AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS**

 **[5:52] *clap clap***

 **[5:53] IF UR EXCITED AND YOU KNOW IT AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT IF UR EXCITED AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS**

[5:54] FUCK YOU AND YOUR HANDS I WAS SLEEPING

 **[5:55] #noregrets**

/

Friday (PM)

 **[3:34] Ugh I fucking hate packing**

[3:36] Are you stalling by texting me

 **[3:37] No**

[3:38] Liar

 **[3:39] you caught me**

[3:40] go pack you fuckwad

 **[3:41] rude**

/

 **[5:32] Maybe see you in Venice :DDDDD**

[5:34] see you snowflake

/

Saturday (PM)

 **[4:16] whooaa Venice is prettyyy**

[4:17] told you bitch

 **[4:18] Do you still wanna meet?**

[4:19] Yeah

 **[4:20] We should do it tomorrow :D**

[4:21] Okay I'll send you the directions to this cafe

 **[4:22] Okay :D**

[4:23]

[4:24] at noon?

 **[4:25] On the dot :D**

 **[4:26] Tino wants to go sightsee and my phone's almost dead see ya~**

[4:27] see you tomorrow bastard

/

Lovino groaned as he shut off his phone and dragged a hand down his face. This Mathias was so mysterious but extremely intriguing. Oh, who was he kidding? He liked texting the man, no matter how much he denied it. And he was going to deny it to anyone who claimed otherwise.

"Lovi~! Did you hear from your friend?" Feliciano piped, joyful as ever.

"Shut up Feli, I'm meeting him tomorrow," Lovino snapped, his face turning inexplicably red at the statement. He was going to meet Mathias, snowflake, the one who called him sunshine, tomorrow. On a date, pretty much, but he was sure Mathias was too oblivious to realize the implications. Stupid bastard.

"Ahh, do we get to meet him too?" Feliciano hopped over the couch and leaned in close to Lovino's nose. Lovino scrunched up his face in annoyance and swatting his brother away with irritation.

"No matter what I say you'll be meeting him," he muttered, vexed. Feliciano brightened.

"Because you want us to meet him?"

"No, idiota, because you're insufferable and it's impossible to stop you from doing things," he said sagely, standing up from the couch and stretching languidly. "If you follow me I will burn all of your pillows."

Feliciano pouted but didn't say anything as Lovino stalked to his room, slamming the door harder than necessary to solidify his point. He quickly changed into his pyjamas and flopped onto the bed, groaning when he realized he still had to go through the rest of his nightly routine. He checked his phone- no new texts.

Lovino propped his head up on his pillow and stared out the window through half-lidded eyes. It was dark out but the lights of the city were as strong as ever. It gave him a weird feeling inside to think that Mathias was out there somewhere, not in some obscure city in Denmark, but here, in Venice.

Ugh. He was so lame.

Lovino swiftly picked himself up from his bed and went through his routine mindlessly before diving under his covers and attempting to fall asleep as quickly as possible. Tomorrow could not come quick enough.

It wasn't until seven o'clock that Lovino woke up, which was almost an ungodly hour for the Italian on a Saturday. Usually he wasn't up until ten, recently verging on eight to nine. It was Mathias's fault.

Lovino stayed comatose in bed until eight when his spit started tasting bad and his back started aching from lying for so long that he dragged himself out and into the shower. He went through his morning routine without thinking, his mind going over the lunch date in millions of different scenarios with a faceless tall blonde.

Lovino wasn't sure how he passed the time but it definitely seemed more than three hours to wait. Feliciano was annoying, Francis showed up at one point and so did Antonio and Feliciano of course indulged them to everything he knew. Lovino nearly killed one of them out of sheer irritation.

"Bye bastards, don't follow me, I have blackmail on all of you!" Lovino called through the house, hearing various responses. At Francis's doubt he yelled out, "April 27th on the college campus, was it?" He smirked satisfyingly when he heard the stupid frenchie sputter while Antonio and Feliciano questioned him on what had happened on April 27th.

Lovino stuffed his hands in his pockets and wearily trudged towards the cafe, glancing about him uncertainly. Normally he was guns-blazing, striding through the streets, but Mathias was making him- dare he say it- _nervous_. Lovino nearly stopped where he stood when he saw a tall figure standing right outside the cafe, and he swallowed when he noticed the shock of blonde hair that really did defy gravity. The icing on the cake was the trademark eyepatch that Mathias had told him about.

The man was looking around but wouldn't be able to identify Lovino in the sea of short italians, so he marched (yes, marched, he wasn't wavering with every step) directly in front of him and glared with all of his might up at the Dane. Mathias blinked and looked down at the Italian taking up his vision, and a wide grin split across his face.

"Vino?" he asked, eyes dancing. Lovino swallowed; his voice was so much deeper than he originally thought. And he really was tall, and his eyes were a striking blue color. The eyepatch even added a whole renegade feel to his appearance, which Lovino vehemently denied was in any way shape or form sexy.

"That's me, bastard," he shot venomously. Mathias merely laughed and lead the spiteful Italian into the cafe.

"Vino, this is so cool, I love Venice so far though it is a little warmer than I thought- hey, you do have a curl that doesn't lay flat, haha! Lukas has sorta the same thing, that's great! Are you touchy about it too or is it okay to-" Lovino smacked his hand away from his curl, face reddening slightly at the mere thought of the tall dane touching it.

"Oh oops, sorry! Hey, will I get to meet your brother too? And Antonio and Francis? You can meet my family if you want! Even Tino got to come, Lukas was very split about that, hey guess how happy Ivan was that Francis was here! He threatened to castrate me if I didn't give Francis his number, I'm pretty sure he's serious…" Mathias then furrowed his brows in concern. "Yeah, I probably want to follow his orders."

"You talk a lot," Lovino muttered, trying not to stare at the oblivious man directly in front of him. Mathias laughed at his accusation and Lovino continued, "You're like a buffer version of my brother."

"Feliciano? I think we'll get along just fine," Mathias commented, leaning back in the booth comfortably. Lovino narrowed his eyes.

"Probably. Everyone gets along with him," he said sourly. An unreadable expression flashed across Mathias's face and he leaned forwards.

"Vino, I wanted to visit _you_. Not your brother, no matter how adorable you make him sound. Besides, you've got your own thing going that is way more interesting."

Lovino wasn't sure how to take that. "What?"

Mathias smirked. "I mean, you're way cuter, for starters."

Lovino flushed and stared out the window, face twitching into a scowl. "You haven't even met Feli."

"I don't need to." Mathias shrugged. "But still, this is way cool. I mean, think about it! What if I hadn't screwed up Gil's number three weeks ago?"

Lovino didn't want to think about it. He had a boring life, and had to deal with being the second best despite being the elder brother. "My life would certainly be less interesting."

"That's a good thing!" Mathias input swiftly, winking. Well, blinking, but he did it as if he were winking. It was hard to wink with only one working eye. "You calmed mine down, honestly. Lukas and Tino were so relieved that I wasn't rushing off every second of the day, you have no idea."

"You have an exciting life," Lovino commented dryly.

"No, I just have exciting friends," Mathias contradicted. There was a few seconds of silence before Mathias cracked a grin and stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Lovino snapped.

"Nothing, nothing!" Mathias held his hands up in surrender. "It's just… you're exactly like I imaged, just cuter and smaller!" Lovino flushed again and waved a waiter over to stop Mathias from talking. He ordered a hot chocolate while Mathias ordered a coffee with too much creamer and sugar. Lovino was sure that the coffee would be closer to his skin color than its intended shade.

"I'm super excited to get to know you better," Mathias leaned forward as he said this, making it seem strangely intimate. "But there is one thing I want to clarify."

"What?" Lovino asked shortly. Mathias hummed lightly to himself before he answered and Lovino fidgeted where he sat.

"Is this a date?" The causal question caught Lovino off guard and he felt his cheeks growing pink. "Because I'm totally cool if it isn't, but I would rather it be a date."

"U-um…" Lovino stuttered. "Yes?"

"Cool! So, does that mean we're a thing, or-"

"Don't assume things, bastard!" Lovino scowled as their drinks arrived. He buried himself behind the mug to hide his reddening cheeks.

"Okay, okay." Mathias laughed and held up his hands in surrender. "We'll get there."

They continued their conversation, Lovino's face turning red at random intervals and Mathias's laugh filling the empty spaces. It was oddly comfortably for the Italian, who was used to awkward dates or even one on one conversations with friends. Eventually they exited the small cafe and Lovino was giving Mathias a one-of-a-kind tour.

"This is St. Mark's square, best fucking place on earth. Actually it's not, but full of history and shit. There's the Doge's palace, super important but I forgot most the facts they shoved down my throat in history class- something about strategy. Better than those fucking French castles, though." Lovino was babbling and he knew it, but he couldn't find it in himself to stop. Mathias seemed to find it amusing, anyway- but that didn't mean he enjoyed making Mathias happy! He just couldn't be bothered to watch what came out of his mouth!

On second thought, that would be wise with the direction his brain was constantly going with the tall Dane walking so close to him. Stupid bastard snowflake.

"Vino, you just got really quiet," Mathias snickered. "Remembering all those facts about memey doge?"

"I will not hesitate to stab you in your remaining eye, fuckwad," Lovino said instantly, glaring at Mathias with a savage expression. Mathias gained an offended expression.

"How could you! Then I wouldn't be able to see!" He pressed his right palm to his heart dramatically.

"That's the point, dumbass."

"But," Mathias started suavely. Lovino simultaneously rolled his eyes in contempt and shivered at the tone of his voice. "Then I wouldn't be able to see your cute face anymore."

The Italian's face flared and he sputtered for a moment before turning on his heel, attempting to hide his bright red face from the Scandinavian. He made it a few feet alone before Mathias was by his side again, easily keeping up with Lovino's angry steps with his long legs. Lovino only spurred on faster, frustrated and confused.

"So. What do you want to do now?" Mathias asked easily, lengthening his strides to remain by the Italian.

"Die."

"Aww, Vino, don't be like that," Mathias all but whined, turning to give Lovino an unimpressed look. "It's Venice!"

"Venice is overrated," he blurted, inwardly screaming at himself for insulting his city.

Mathias blinked once and recovered. "Okay, wanna go to my hotel?"

"Wha-? No way in hell, bastard!" Lovino's face got even darker, if possible, at his imagined implications.

Mathias laughed. "But Vino, you could meet my family!" Lovino had slowed down to a normal pace- what, stalking away angrily was exhausting, especially with sticks-for-legs not breaking a sweat!- and he scoffed.

"Why the hell would I want to meet your weirdass family?" A look of hurt flashed across Mathias's face and Lovino felt guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. Why did he have to be so fucking rude? Mathias was just being courteous, in the least.

"Well, I-" Mathias started only to be interrupted by the fiery but ashamed Italian beside him.

"Before you meet Feli, of course." Mathias's face brightened considerably at the prospect.

"Really?" Mathias sounded hopeful but doubtful and Lovino scowled.

"Yeah, idiot. Feli's been complaining about it ever since he knew of your existence. Not today, though, Feli's busy making chocolates with Emma for you and your family. He told me to make sure you don't step foot in the house today, but that means tomorrow you-"

"Wait," Mathias paused. "Are you inviting me to your house?"

Lovino stared at him disbelievingly. Was he really this dense? "Of course I am, stupid."

A smile stretched across Mathias's face. "Cool!"

"Yeah, whatever," Lovino mumbled, ignoring the warm feeling spreading through his being.

* * *

 **Woo. This was, actually, going to be close to the ending- but then you reviewers had to go and get me all inspired. I'm both done and extremely happy but that also means that no, this story is not actually completed (even in my drafts) so my updates WILL be less frequent. However, this means y'all get more content and more side-pairings (this was intended to be two crackships but ended up being Denmano... so I still have to insert the second sidepairing).**

 **More words and less texting in this chapter, too. It was weird and I got back to the texting thing a bit, but there's going to need to be more face-to-face interaction so that means (unfortunately) less fast-paced at points. Yuck.**

 **gdesertsand : omg you reviewed AGAIN ILYSM. I'm glad I made your day and here's another update legit one day later ! And smiling is good for your health ;)**

 **Otto192 : Yayyyyyy to all of those things! It really means a lot that you enjoyed it enough to review and I hope you enjoyed their first face-to-fact meeting :D and the FrancexRussia was originally from a crack-pairing book oneshot with the two that I _loved_ so I had to insert the pairing... hope i can do it justice lol**

 **thanks for reading! Adios~**

 **IMPORTANT!** **Basically, I got a guest review that mentioned how chats (like this dumbass story) are not allowed (thank you Guest, you were v polite about and I know before I learned too late). Now this means I need to either A, delete this story, or B, change the formatting to... something. For now, I'm keeping it up (it's not popular anyway) but I WILL be searching for an alternative formatting to create a sort-of loophole so this story is allowed. If any of you guys have any suggestions, I would love to hear them. Thank you.**


	5. Chapter V

**Oh, disclaimer. If it wasn't obvious, I don't own hetalia (or these two would have met already )**

* * *

Sunday (AM)

 **[6:02] Hiiiii~**

 **[6:12] yeah okay**

/

 **[8:23] Vino**

 **[8:24] Vino**

 **[8:24] Vino**

 **[8:24] Vino**

 **[8:25] Hey Vino**

 **[8:26] I know where you live**

 **[8:26] What do you think ima do with this information**

[8:27] keep it a secret like an actual friend

 **[8:28] u assume much**

[8:29] DONT EVEN your stupid friendship bracelets bind us

 **[8:30] THAT'S RIGHT ;D**

[8:30] jesus I can't even bring those up without bringing out the godforsaken winky faces

[8:31] I swear to god Mathias if you send one more you aren't allowed in my house ever

 **[8:32] ugh fineeeee**

 **[8:35] vino…?**

[8:36] leT ME SLEEP

 **[8:37] it's like 8:40 dude**

[8:38] your point?

 **[8:39] lol nvm sleeping beauty**

[8:40] don't question my princess status bitch

 **[8:41] your highness *bows***

[8:42] off with your head

 **[8:43] WHAT DID I DO**

 **[8:43] and bitch you can't cut my head off that's queen of hearts not sleeping beauty**

[8:44] I can do whatever the fuck i want to

[8:45] so OFF WITH YOUR HEAD

 **[8:46] WHY**

[8:47] for interrupting an italian's sleep obviously

 **[8:48] #noregrets**

[8:49] fuck you

 **[8:50] XD**

 **[8:52] r u sleeping**

 **[8:53] im assuming ur sleeping**

 **[8:54] kk see u later**

/

 _[9:56] I assume you're going to the Vargas household today?_

 **[9:57] wait is that vino's last name**

 _[9:58] merde_

 **[9:58] oh and yeah im crashing their party or whatever**

 _[9:59] there has to be a party to crash it, I'm afraid_

 **[10:00] k franny plan a party**

 _[10:01] Party at the Vargas's four in the pm_

 **[10:02] wicked i'll be there**

 _[10:03] you better be_

 **[10:04] oh and here's Ivan's contact info knock urself out**

 **[10:04]**

 _[10:05] merci_

/

 _[10:10] Party at the Vargas's four in the pm_

[10:12] Fuck you Francis

 _[10:13] Nooo Lovi it's a wonderful idea !_

[10:13] wtf Feli it's at our house?!

 _ **[10:14] Can I come ? :D**_

 _[10:14] Vee~ of course!_

[10:15] WE ARENT HAVING A PARTY

 **[10:16] hell yeah I love parties**

 _[10:17] Stop resisting "Vino" _

[10:18] f u

 **[10:18] it's *Lo*vino**

[10:18] wowwwww okay

 _[10:19] Of course, mon ami_

[10: 20] ugh youre so creepy francis

 _[10:21] Thanks, Lovino. That means alot coming from you. _

[10:22] HEY!

 **[10:22] lmao vino chill**

 _[10:23] Fratello I started pasta! (/^w^)/_

[10:24] oh my god

 **[10:25] can my fam come?**

 _ **[10:26] Siii~!**_

 _[10:26] oui ;)_

 _[10:27] THATS SO FUNNN~_

[10:28] You're all dead to me

 _[10:29] Fratello~ x.x_

 _ **[10:30] but loviiiiiiii T^T**_

 _[10:30] you know you're excited_

 _[10:30] after all Mathias is going to be there_

 **[10:31] ;D**

[10:32] FUA

 _[10:33] ?_

 **[10:33] Fuck You All**

 _[10:34] the fact that you know what that means is unnerving_

 _ **[10:34] I think it's cute~~**_

 _[10:35] ve, me too_

 _ **[10:40] wait, when is the party? Can I bring a +1?**_

 _[10:41] it's at 4 pm and of course, who?_

 _ **[10:42] actually scratch that can i have a +2**_

[10:43] I swear to god antonio

 _[10:44] Sure, but who?_

 _ **[10:45] remember Lars and Afonso?**_

[10:46] not those fuckers

 **[10:47] i left for a bit but who are they?**

[10:47] jackasses thats what

 _ **[10:47] Lovi :(**_

 _[10:48] lovi!_

 _[10:48] oh damn you brought out the mad toni_

[10:49] yeah right

 _ **[10:50] they are my friends and dont deserve your slander**_

[10:51] see not mad

 _[10:51] Euh… _

_**[10:52] Also fuck you :)**_

 **[10:53] Damn I'm staying out of this**

 _[10:54] Toni…?_

[10:54] well fuck you too toni

 _ **[10:55] Oh no no no you don't understand**_

[10:55] enlighten me on your asshat friends fuckwad

 _[10:56] Lovi that is not a good idea_

[10:56] stfu

 _ **[10:57] If you embarrass, harass, or hurt my friends in any way, mentally, emotionally, or physically, I will cut out your tongue and then I will rip your arm off and beat you with it.**_

 _ **[10:58] and if you still have not gotten the message by then, I will tear out your eyes and shove them so far down your throat you'll know what you had for breakfast yesterday.**_

[11:00] fucking hell I'm out

 _[11:01] I warned you, Lovi_

 **[11:02] holy SHIT Antonio! O.O**

 **[11:02] You seem so innocent!**

 _[11:03] Mon ami I can assure you he is not innocent_

 **[11:04] Yeah well NOW i know!**

 _[11:05] Lovi looks rlly pale :S_

 _[11:05] Toni you may have gone overboard_

 _ **[11:06] ahh i'm sorry mi amigo! I don't know what came over me X~X**_

 **[11:06] shit man that was freaky af**

 _ **[11:07] it just happens occasionally! T^T**_

 _[11:07] you may need to work on that_

 _[11:08] Lovi went to his room_

 **[11:08] did he bring his phone?**

 _[11:09] no_

 **[11:10] well fuck**

 _[11:10] well fuck indeed_

 _ **[11:11] oops**_

/

Sunday (PM)

 _[1:32] I'll pick you up for the party, where do you live?_

 **[1:35] freaky**

 _[1:37] Do you know where the Vargas's live?_

 **[1:38] yeah walked him home n shit**

 _[1:39] I have a limo_

 **[1:40]**

 _[1:41] I'll pick you up at 3:50. Be ready with your family_

/

 **[2:09] Vinooooo ;(**

 **[2:10] answerrr**

 **[2:11] that party's in two hours and franny called and said he'll pick us uppp**

 **[2:12] Feli will be there too**

 **[2:12] somethin about wanting to meet my fam**

 **[2:13] actually it was about "meeting vino's bf's family because if they're dating the family's should meet"**

 **[2:14] honestly vino you should tell people if you're dating them**

[2:20] WHAT THE HELL

 **[2:20] oh hello**

[2:21] I NEVER TOLD FELI WE WERE DATING

 **[2:21] shame**

[2:22] I NEVER CALLED YOU MY BF

 **[2:22] well there was that one typo…**

[2:23] stfu mathias

 **[2:23] mmmm, nah**

[2:24] mattie

 **[2:25] well fuck you too, *Lo*vino**

[2:26] how awful, my full name

 **[2:26] Lovino Vargas**

[2:26] Mathias

[2:27] wait fuck what's your full name?

 **[2:28] Mathias the All-Powerful**

[2:29] nah

[2:30]

 **[2:31] are you from africa**

 **[2:31] cause kenya not**

[2:32] are you from europe

[2:32] cause europiece of shit

 **[2:33] classy af, vino**

 **[2:33] still no reason to name me that**

[2:34] I think its a great upgrade from snowflake prick

 **[2:34] "Nameless fuckwad"?**

[2:35] I'll name u when u tell me ur name, bitch

 **[2:36] gr8**

[2:39] so?

 **[2:40] nah**

[2:41] well fuck you too, bitch

/

Lovino stared at his reflection in the mirror. It was 3:48 exactly, the clock having just changed. Mathias and his family would be showing up at his house for a party he didn't approve of with people he didn't approve of (Antonio and Francis being the main two). Which meant his friends- ugh, he might just barf knowing he labeled them as such- would be meeting Mathias's family at the same time he did.

Actually, Francis and Feliciano would meet them a few minutes earlier than he would, seeing as they were picking them up. They were either getting ready to leave or gone already. It was 3:50.

Lovino scrutinized himself, tilting his head this way and that to find a hair that was out of place or an embarrassing piece of fluff stuck between his locks. Of course there was nothing he could do about that one stupid curl (he cursed it every night before he went to sleep), but the rest of his hair seemed okay, at least.

A sudden realization hit him. Why did he care what he looked like? He didn't nearly care as much when meeting other strangers. In fact, he occasionally went out of his way to look ragged and lazy to get said strangers to leave him alone. Despite this, he was caring an exponential amount on his appearance.

It couldn't be because of Mathias. No way in hell was it because of that sleazebag. Mathias whatever-his-last-name-was. Ugh, that fact really bothered him. What if he had a really weird last name? What if it didn't sound nice with Mathias? What if it didn't sound nice with Lovino?

Wait, hold on, what? Lovino went bright red just thinking about it. Oh god, he had a crush. A stupid, school-girl crush on the man he had been texting for the past… what was it, three weeks? And he was already thinking about how their names would sound together without even knowing his last name! Soon he would be writing their names together in hearts in a diary or some shit.

It was 3:55. Lovino smoothed out his face and waited for the red to recede into his olive skin. He flattened his expression and stared at himself blankly, giving himself a silent pep talk.

 _It's just Mathias. Just Mathias and his family that he told you about. Remember, Lukas, has a cross hairpin, stoic, supposedly sadistic, made a freak appearance in his dream… okay, he sounds a little scary, but what about Berwald? Actually wait, I don't know anything about him other than his parents liked to verbally and/or physically abuse him, which is not a good conversation starter. Hmm… he never told me 'icy's name which in hindsight is not smart, all I know about him is that he's Lukas's brother. Tino seems okay, I think…_

He shook his head mentally. This was not a good pep talk at all.

 _Mathias and his family are coming. Here. To meet my family and friends. You'll be fine. It's only Mathias and his wacked-up family, who influence a lot of Mathias's decisions and may tell him to never talk to me again if I screw up…_

Lovino paled. Shit. He was very, very nervous. He wasn't ready for this. What if they hated him? What if they despised him so much that Mathias realized how awful he was and hated him? What if-

"Loviii~! They're here!" Antonio sang up the stairs. Lovino froze in place. They were here. In his house. And he had the _move_ before they thought he was rude.

Feeling like his legs were wooden, Lovino forced himself down the stairs. Upon reaching the landing he gazed at the scene before him and blinked a few times to comprehend it.

A blond man with a cross hairpin (must be Lukas, he decided) was standing next to a smaller blond man who was talking passionately with him and Antonio. The smaller man (who he had yet to identify) and Antonio were speaking in similarly excited gestures while Lukas contentedly watched the two, occasionally inputting his ideas. A tall blond man with glasses was conversing quietly with a similarly tall blond, who Lovino knew as Lars (he shivered as he remembered Antonio's violent texts). Francis was conversing (and flirting, he could tell in the few seconds he examined the room) with Antonio's childhood friend, Afonso, who seemed to be having none of that (to everyone but them and Lars, Afonso obviously had a crush on Antonio, but that did not deter Francis).

However, the most curious pair of all was Feliciano and a short man with hair verging on white. The man had a deadpan expression while Feliciano was talking his ear off, but he could tell there was a sliver of interest on the man's face. Which meant with four members of Mathias's family, Antonio and his friends Afonso and Lars, Francis, and Feliciano, there was one person missing…

"Guess who!" Lovino's eyes were covered by hands and the italian jumped in surprise, letting out a squeak. He growled when he realized what happened and slipped out of Mathias's hands.

The man stared at him with an open mouth and then he basically squealed like a little girl. "That was so cute! Do you always squeak like that?"

"No. Shut up." Lovino brushed past the tall dane and beelined for… the center of the room. Where everyone else was.

Someone gasped dramatically and appeared in front of him. It was the short blond Antonio and Lukas had been talking with. "You must be this Vino Mathias is always talking about!"

Lovino groaned without thinking. "Dammit Mathias, my name is Lovino, not Vino!" He realized too late that he was being rude, but the man seemed to take it well, since he laughed instead of acting scandalized.

"Sorry, he never told us your full name! Just babbled about his Vino that-"

"I see you've met Tino," Mathias interrupted, throwing Tino an unreadable look. Tino merely laughed.

"I'm Lukas," Lukas said blandly, inputting himself into the conversation.

"Lovino, but I guess you already know that," Lovino shot Mathias a scathing look and he had the decency to look sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You told him we're dating, right?" Tino pointed to Lukas and himself, narrowing his eyes slightly at Mathias.

"Of course I did!" Mathias said indignantly. Lukas raised a thin eyebrow in the Dane's direction and Mathias let out a huff. "Let me introduce you to the rest of my family." Lovino didn't have a choice and ended up being dragged in a different direction (not willingly, he was spewing curses at the blond but it had no effect).

"It was nice meeting you!" Tino called to them as they left the three behind.

Mathias halted in front of Lars and the tall man with glasses. "Vino, Berwald. Berwald, Vino."

"For the last fucking time, it's Lovino." Nonetheless Lovino held his hand out to shake with the intimidating figure before him. Berwald had a firm handshake and Lovino discretely clenched and unclenched his hand after the fact.

"N'ce t' meet 'ya," he mumbled in a thick accent. Lars watched the interaction for a moment with a smirk before speaking.

"Lovi, I think you're falling for the wrong Scandanavian," he commented, snickering almost silently. "Berwald here's single, too."

"Fuck you Lars I'm not falling for anyone." Lovino ignored the slight cough Mathias let out. "And if he's so great take him out yourself."

Berwald tightened his expression and exchanged a glance with Mathias, the two brothers conversing silently.

Lars scoffed. "Yeah right, I only have eyes for one person and one person only." His gaze inexplicably traveled to Afonso, who had a sarcastic grin on his face.

Lovino rolled his eyes. "You three need to work out your messed up love lives."

"There is nothing messed up about it," Lars shot back, turning to Berwald. "Can you believe this guy? Thinks he knows everything-"

"What's up with their love lives?" Mathias muttered as they slowly inched away. A small, dry laugh escaped Lovino's mouth.

"Afonso likes Antonio, Antonio likes Lars, and Lars likes Afonso. I can't see everything working out unless they make it a poly- actually that would not be a surprise. A poly would work for them."

"Hmm." Mathias nodded sagely. "Didja know there's a poly back at my place? And not this denial-stuff, and actual, agreed-to poly."

"Oh?" Lovino glanced at Mathias.

"Yeah, they're really cute in a weird sort of way. This chick Natalya- girl can hold her alcohol like no one else- got with both Matthew and Elizaveta and didn't tell either one until a few weeks in… turns out Eliza had a crush on Matthew too and the rest is history," Mathias snickered as he recalled the dramatic events. Everyone else had made it out to be worse than it was; in fact, the three had been very civil about it.

"Two girls and a guy?" Lovino questioned. "Doesn't he feel outnumbered? Or is it like a mini-harem for him-"

Mathias burst into loud laughter, bending over to clutch at his stomach. Lovino flushed. It wasn't like he was trying to be funny.

"Ahaha… no." Mathias wiped a tear from his face- Lovino wasn't sure if it was real or not- and explained. "Matthew is the sweet one of the relationship. Seriously, you don't want to diss him. Once a kid called Matthew an anorexic bitch. Eliza and Natalya found out and… well, the kid got to know the hospital nurses quite well."

"Damn." Lovino whistled. He watched his brother nearly hit the last Scandinavian in the face (must be 'icy') with his passionate-but-violent gestures.

"Is that why you hate being called Mattie?" Lovino suddenly asked. Mathias glanced at him in confusion at the italian elaborated. "Because you have a friend named Matthew. Nickname being Mattie."

Mathias formed his mouth into an 'oh' in realization. "Well, I guess. But nobody really calls him Mattie except for Alfred… and Eliza and Natalya. And nobody really calls Alfred Al except for Mattie, but now Gil can. When people would start lots of weird things would start happening to them. Like Gil was calling Alfred Al before they started dating and he found maple syrup in his socks and fruit punch spilled all over his carpet. Then Ivan started calling Matthew Mattie and found all of his clothes out in the snow the next day."

Lovino hid his laugh but by the end of the story he was struggling to hide his snickers.

Mathias swooned. "Aw, you're giggling, that's so cute!"

Lovino stopped instantly and scowled at the dane. "I am not cute."

Mathias raised an eyebrow at him and Lovino huffed in irritation. Great. Now he had to change the subject.

"Who the fuck is talking to my brother?" he blurted out. Mathias blinked then craned his head to catch sight of the bubbly italian.

"Ah! That's icy-"

"Emil," Lukas cut in, a blank expression set on his face. "His name is Emil."

"Yeah, icy." Mathias waved his hand dismissively. "Reclusive little brat- ow!" He rubbed the back of his head where Lukas had smacked him, light blue eyes smoldering.

"He's not a brat."

"Sure," Mathias whispered doubtfully. Lukas smacked him again, the noise louder than the first. Mathias winced and shot the norwegian a glare.

"Lu, look what I found! Feli made cupcakes!" Tino appeared, jovial expression etched on his face. Lukas's face instantly softened as he turned his attention to his lover.

Mathias made a face and stuck his tongue out at the two childishly. "Keep it PG, guys!"

"As PG as your new year's party," Lukas replied without hesitation. Mathias winced again, regret flashing through his eye. Tino pressed his lips together to try and pretend he wasn't smiling and Lovino rolled his eyes. Yet another story to be heard another time.

And he wasn't looking forward to it. He _wasn't._

"Icy, Vino. Vino, icy." Mathias introduced. They both simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"Ve, Lovi, Emmi is really nice!" Feliciano blurted.

Emil turned slightly pink and said, "Feliciano, please don't call me that. It's embarrassing."

Feliciano blinked. "It's cute, though! But okay, if you don't like it…" Feliciano's energy seemed to be suddenly taken down a notch. Emil chewed on his lip and opened his mouth for a few seconds before closing it uncertainly.

Lovino gaped at the two. Mathias was slightly bored with them and was getting to know Francis (exchanging stories about a mutual friend was one way to mingle), and even if he was paying attention Lovino doubted he would have picked up what he had (it must have been the italian roots).

God damn it. Why did all of his friends have to suddenly find a crush right after him? This was supposed to be his time to shine, damnit!

Lovino's thoughts froze in place, the same statements rolling around his head like marbles. H-his?

"Vino~" Mathias whispered into his ear. Lovino jumped with a yelp, instinctively elbowing the man in the gut.

"What the fuck, bastard?" Lovino's face was bright red from being interrupted in his thoughts at that exact moment. Mathias grinned at him with a pained expression, bending over slightly to guard his stomach. He let out a forced laugh and Lovino flushed. Again. He also opened his mouth, intending to explain his assault (though he would have more than likely gone on a tangent and dig himself in a deeper hole than he was already in).

"Lovi, save me!" Feliciano cried suddenly, jumping his brother and causing the two to stumble into an unsuspecting Mathias. He, in turn, grasped at anything to keep himself upright and ended up tripping backwards on the couch armrest. Lovino and Feliciano tumbled to the floor and Mathias smacked his back into Afonso's shoulder.

The portuguese man let out a yelp and leaned away from the large dane instinctively but only succeeded in dropping the blond's head onto his thigh. Mathias groaned at his head being jostled around and he opened his eye to see the bewildered gaze of Afonso. Mathias winced and attempted to get up from his position when Lars caught sight of the dane who was basically on Afonso's lap. In the very least, in the port's personal space.

The angry dutchman strode over to them and plucked Mathias off of the couch with a quick movement. The dane instantly turned to Afonso and started spewing out apologies.

"Sorry, man, that was a complete accident- you know how crazy Feli can get-"

"Mathias, right? It's cool," Afonso waved off his apologies with a sideways grin.

"Oh, and thanks," Mathias directed his statement at Lars, who stayed silent.

Afonso raised and eyebrow and turned to Mathias. "I haven't gotten to talk to you yet, I don't think. You're Lovino's friend, right?"

Mathias nodded with relief and replied fervently. Meanwhile, Lovino was having an unwanted heart-to-heart under the couch armrest on the carpet.

"Fratello, you need to tell him how you feel!" Feliciano stressed.

" _Feli,_ I don't feel anything for that bastard but loathing!" Lovino spat at his brother. Feliciano was undeterred and trekked onward.

"Fratello, I think Mathias likes you," Feliciano said seriously. Lovino rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to retort something back but Feliciano continued. "And if you don't tell him soon, I'll tell him myself."

Lovino widened his eyes. "Feli, don't you dare. Don't you even fucking think about it."

Feliciano got a rare glint in his eyes. "Fratello."

"Fuck." Lovino slammed his head against the armrest. "Fuck."

"Ve, fratello, but I think I like Emmi, he's cute~" Feliciano flipped topics rapidly.

Lovino stared at his brother in disbelief. "Feli, you are the weirdest little fucker I have ever met."

Feliciano frowned. "Fratello, don't swear."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want."

"Except talk to Mathias, ve?"

"Fuck you."

Feliciano laughed.

* * *

 **updaaate~ with words. And texts. Whoop.**

 **Again, my updates are still unorganized (nor will they ever be organized) but I have more of a direction? Without spoiling I can't say much (LOL) but there will be some sideplots... omakes? I guess? with the other pairings. Which ones do y'all want to see the most? Here's a quick review of the pairings (so far) in the story (other than denmano, obv):**

 **France/Russia, Norway/Finland, America/Prussia, Italy/Iceland, Portugal/Netherlands/Spain, Canada/Hungary/Belarus. (country names for convenience they are not countries in this AU)**

 **Update: SERIOUSLY, give me requests for a ship I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO WRITE (and I need to practice writing characters I've never written before)**

 **gayhetalianess : YO IT'S MY FIRST REVIEWER, SUP? And I'm glad you like it so much ^w^ hope you liked the update!**

 **Moi-Moi-Intensifies** **: YOU'RE WELCOME HAHA. And that was me at first too, I don't even know what initially got me on this ship... but it hit me _hard_ and here I am XD. I normally ship SuFin too (hardcore man) and I lowkey ship dennor. I'm a heavy multishipper OTL and I'm glad I dragged someone else on this tiny ship PLS STAY THERE'S SO FEW PPL**

 **Iroyuki : Thank you ! (/^o^)/**

 **Ha det~!**


	6. Omake I

**The first Omake of hopefully many...? I do not own hetalia, also.**

* * *

Portugal/Netherlands/Spain

Requested By: a randomizer off the internet

"I totally have a thing for blonds," Antonio sighed, leaning into his palm. He was currently watching Lars line up his shot, eyeing the lane carefully. Afonso hummed noncommittally, too busy memorizing Antonio's form to completely register what he said. The three were out bowling, each for a completely different but scarily similar reason: Antonio for Lars, Lars for Afonso, and Afonso for Antonio.

"And tall men," Antonio continued. Afonso jerked his head towards the spaniard, suddenly realizing what he was talking about. While Afonso was rather hidden about his crush (ha, he wished) Antonio was blatantly obvious- but not to Lars, of course.

"Spare! Beat that, bitch," Lars came back smirking, the screen above them blinking with _Spare_ before disappearing to show the running score. Antonio was in last place with 67 points and Afonso and Lars were fighting for first. At the moment Lars was in the lead with 84 points while Afonso was at 76 points.

"Good job!" Antonio congratulated, eyes shining with admiration. Afonso snorted. He was an overgrown puppy with a crush on a vicious sheepdog.

"Your turn, Afonso," Lars brushed passed the portugese man. Afonso didn't notice, but Antonio stored away how Lars had brushed the two's hands together in the passing. Afonso was tempted to try to drop a bowling ball on the dutch man's foot to prevent him from playing, but it probably would not be well received by Antonio- or Lars, but Afonso didn't care about him.

Afonso stalked up to the lane with his bowling ball, only short of glaring at the gleaming guidelines. They were playing without guards, of course (though it would only help Antonio's case, which had made Afonso waver considerably).

Lars followed his nice figure, appreciating everything about the moment; the way his hair was settled against his back, the man's careful posture as he lined up the shot, how his muscles shifted as he bowled down the lane. Afonso cursed as he got six pins down but brightened considerable when Antonio politely congratulated him on the shot. The dutch man was quieter about his congratulations, being a more resigned man at nature, but despite the two's unofficial rivalry in this game, he considered the port a good bowler.

Afonso returned to his friends for only a moment while he was waiting for his ball to be returned. He stood with his hip cocked slightly to the right, his right hand resting delicately on his hip. Antonio rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling in boredom.

The game continued as such, which was incredibly confusing but entertaining for outsiders. Eventually the game ended, with Afonso stealing a narrow win at 113 and Lars at 111, while Antonio seemed to drop even more as the night wore on and finished at 88. He was unperturbed but laughed when his two friends got into an argument that Lars seemed to enjoy more than anything.

Antonio ended up having to drag the two out and force them into the car. He drove them to his house where they would most likely spend the night in a strange three-way sleepover. That's how Antonio thought of it, anyway.

"Movie?" Antonio offered. "Popcorn?"

"Sounds great," Afonso said instantly, both thumbs up in an extra affirmation. Lars rolled his eyes and plopped on the couch, casually tossing his arm behind Afonso. The port didn't notice. Antonio did.

"This one sound good?" Antonio's voice was a little sharp as he displayed a movie case. The other two shrugged and Afonso stood up, saying something about popcorn. Antonio popped the movie in and sat next to Lars, leaning backwards into the couch in a leisurely slouch. He gave the dutch man a sideways stare.

"Hey, uh, Lars…"

"Yeah?" Lars glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and Antonio instantly lost the words he was going to say.

"Cake or ice cream?" Antonio blurted out, inwardly slapping himself.

Lars blinked. "Uh, ice cream, probably."

"What, really?" Antonio gaped at him. "Cake is so much better."

At this Lars snorted. "Sure it is, just let yourself believe that."

"Prove it."

Lars started. "What?"

Antonio was staring at him with a strange amount of determination. "Prove it."

"What do you want me to do, get you ice cream?" Lars laughed to himself. "Man, if you wanted food you could just ask for it."

"I didn't tell you to get me ice cream, I told you to prove that ice cream was better than cake," Antonio corrected with a snicker.

Lars rolled his eyes. "What else could you mean?"

"I don't know." Antonio let out a laugh and seemed to lose his steam then, worrying his lip slightly. Lars cocked his head to the side and seemed to come to a sudden realization as he watched the spaniard. God damn, this guy was cute.

Lars jerked out of his thoughts. What was he doing? He liked _Afonso_ , for god's sake. It was bad enough for him to like one of his best friends; he couldn't like the other one at the same time.

"What're we talking about?" Afonso entered the room with a big bowl of popcorn, trying to throw them into his mouth from tossing them into the air. A few corns fell back into bowl but the three ignored it.

"Whether cake or ice cream is better," Lars said off-handedly.

"Which do you think is better?" Antonio asked him.

"Hmm," Afonso mused to himself as he sat on the couch next to Lars. "Ice cream cake?"

They stared at him and Afonso grinned almost sheepishly. Lars shook his head and Antonio started the movie wordlessly, but the three couldn't keep up the charade for long and were in peels of laughter as the intro rolled.

Once the popcorn was gone and the movie was slowly coming to an end the three were getting more and more tired. Antonio was the first to fall, leaning unintentionally (as Lars assumed, anyway) against Lars's shoulder into slumber. Lars was halfway gone but before he slipped under he felt Afonso fall against his other shoulder, causing the dutch man to stiffen and be suddenly wide awake.

The blond didn't have the heart to turn away either Antonio nor Afonso, and nor could he help the blush starting to darken his cheeks. He gazed at both Antonio and Afonso with a tranquil expression.

Lars froze, his face growing a darker red. _Shit._

Lukas/Tino

Requested By: Moi-Moi-Intensifies

"Are you serious." Lukas deadpanned, staring Tino in the eye. His lover was being uncharacteristically nervous for once.

"I… maybe…" Tino wrung his hands together, laughed sheepishly, and avoided all eye contact with the norwegian across from him.

"Okay…" Lukas sighed and rubbed his temple. "Let me get this straight." He splayed his hands out in the air in front of them and Tino nodded slowly, cheeks reddening.

"You had a surprise for me, and since it was a surprise, you needed me blindfolded…"

"Mmhmm."

"And while you were leading me there we almost got hit by a car-"

"-accidents happen, you know!"

"But then you discover that wow, you really can't remember where you are."

"Uh… yeah!" Tino giggled, an embarrassed expression on his face. "I really should have brought a map."

"Tino…" Lukas groaned but couldn't find it in himself to use his usual level of frustration in his tone. "… We're in the middle of a field."

"Yup."

"We're lost in the middle of a field."

"That's right." Tino said matter-of-factly.

"How the hell… I mean, we weren't walking for that long!" Lukas gave Tino an incredulous look.

Tino blinked at the blond and pointed. "We walked through that forest."

Lukas stared at the line of trees and let out a breath. "Well. Then we should start with going that way."

"Okay!" Tino smiled and grabbed Lukas's hand, humming under his breath and brushing his fingertips along the swaying tall grass. "Although…"

"What is it?" Lukas glanced at Tino, worried that the fin would think he was mad at him. Really, it was crazy (and almost frightening) how much control Tino had over Lukas.

"I had everything set up…" Tino mumbled. "I wanted to surprise you…"

"Well this was certainly a surprise." Lukas mentally slapped himself as a wounded look crossed Tino's face. "I mean-" Lukas tripped over his words for once. "This'll definitely make a fun story."

"Yeah…" Tino said quietly. Lukas felt his chest clinch. Fuck.

He leaned in a kissed Tino's cheek abruptly. "Thank you."

Tino turned to beam at his lover but the norwegian was turned away with a light blush adorning his cheeks. Tino settled for humming to himself and looking around at the field. It really was a beautiful day; there was the threat of clouds in the distance, but for now, the blue skies stretching off in the other direction and the sun shining down on them. There was a slight breeze ruffling their hair. Tino felt very content, despite getting lost. He wrinkled his nose slightly. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

Lukas glanced at Tino, who looked rather happy. The blond allowed a small smile to grace his lips and he gazed at the treeline. The tall grass was brushing against his legs and it glowed gold in the sunshine. It was the perfect day to be outside, and since Lukas rather disliked the outdoors (not to the extent of his brother, however) it was nice that when he was outside the day was beautiful.

"Ohmygod wait, Lu," Tino gasped, gripping his lover's arm. "I think that's the tree."

Lukas barely got out a "Wha?" before Tino started running towards a lone tree like his life depended on it. Lukas nearly face planted after tripping on a rock but Tino did not slow.

They stumbled to a stop right before the tree and Tino spun, smushing his palms over Lukas's eyes.

"Don't look!" Tino commanded. Lukas laugh-sighed and obediently closed his eyes. When Tino felt the blond's eyelids close he took his hands away and traced his hands down Lukas's arms to rest on his wrists. Tino tugged on the norwegian's arms slightly and Lukas followed his gentle guidance.

"Okay… you can open your eyes now."

Lukas opened his eyes. There was a quaint setup before him, though he expected nothing less from his entirely cute lover. A small picnic blanket was covering the golden grass, and there was a cooler with what he assumed would be food within. Two plates were set up and two chunky glasses- Lukas appreciated the latter, since wine glasses would tip over on the uneven surface of a blanket.

Tino gnawed on his lip uncertainly and glanced between the setup and Lukas.

"I love you," Lukas turned Tino so that his lover was facing him and gently kissed the fin, who melted into his embrace. They pulled away slightly a few moments later and leaned their foreheads together, breathing each other's air. "Thank you," Lukas whispered, staring into Tino's eyes.

Tino smiled lovingly, eyes shining. His cheeks were flushed pink and Lukas decided, in that moment, that he was falling in love with him all over again.

Lukas kissed him again then sat down, bringing Tino down with him and drawing his knees close to his body. "So what did you prepare?"

Tino mumbled something under his breath and started emptying the cooler, cheeks slowly losing their rosy tint. He took out some wrapped sandwiches that he had made, along with some grapes and norwegian beer- the good stuff, since Tino had saved up before setting this up. Lukas felt more and more gratitude towards the small fin the more he set the scene.

"Hey Lu." Tino presented a small bundle of cloth to his lover. Lukas took it carefully and started unwrapping it slowly. Inside was a small, wood-carved flower.

While Lukas was distracted with the gift Tino leaned in and kissed his cheek, his lips lingering before his head dropped to lay on the norwegian's shoulder. Lukas turned red, his heart constricting in his chest.

"Minä rakastan sinua," Tino whispered into Lukas's ear. "So much."

Lukas pressed his cheek to the top of Tino's head. "Jeg elsker deg også."

* * *

 **D'aww so much fluff. I don't think there was a single swear in the entire NorFin/FinNor (Finway hell yeah XD) omake! Man I'm getting soft.**

 **Oh, but what do they say...? The fluff before the storm...? because there's a hurricane coming, and I needed a buffer chapter :P (spoiler alert whoop)**

 **side note: this is going on an unofficial hiatus, since I need to correct/fix the formatting of basically everything, which is taking for-fucking-ever. It'll be a lot of words (and words == content) so that's good (the first chapter is already 2000 words up and i'm not even half way WOOT). still, this is gonna take a while and life is a bitch so YEAH (and the replies you see below? I can't do those anymore either :'( but if you write a review, I may/may not reply to it ;D)**

 **gdesertsand** **: THANK YOU cute is good :D yeah... I love the texting format, it's fun to write and adds a certain hilarity normal text doesn't have. rambling is great, ramble all you want, authors love rambling and I am not excluded in that category ;D**

 **gayhetalianess** **: et voila, hope you liked the update :D  
**

 **: :DDDDDD that's good for me ! Thank!**

 **Moi-Moi-Intensifies** **: yo broski hope you liked the norway/finland lots of glitter and sparkles 'n shit (dammit i made it so far without swearing ). THANK. ANd leave as many dumbass comments as you want like they're funny to read so like,,,,, (tbh unironically thank you so much for reviewing a lot it gives me life and is technically the reason for half of this chapter so)**

 **Hei hei~!**


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